Month: September 2008

  • Advertising Job Hunting Secrets

           (Why spend a fortune going to some university, beauty college or ad school? Here’s everything you need to know about getting a great job in advertising. Kindly make your tuition checks payable to Patrick Scullin.)      Next to dying a slow, painful, miserable death while “MacArthur Park” is playing on the radio, hunting…

  • Farewell to The King of Cool

           It’s a crappy day. The earth no longer has Paul Newman. Damn shame, that.       Newman had the looks, talent, humor, compassion, empathy, faithfulness, fearlessness and boundless energy we all crave. He was also generous and caring, helping unfortunate kids by donating millions in profits from the sales of his various…

  • My Bad: An Apology

           Upon further review of my last few entries where I unfairly said completely asinine and unfounded things about chimpanzees, I wish to apologize to all of humanity and especially the cherished primate community.      Chimps are great and noble and deserve praise for everything they do. They are our friends and should…

  • Their Dirty Little Secret (Pt. 2)

           Doing a little investigative journalistic work, I think I’ve blown the lid off this whole Wall Street meltdown… and it ain’t pretty.      Think about it: Wall Street lobbyists grease the palms of politicians who pass laws deregulating the banking industry so they can sell sub-prime loans to any jamoke with…

  • Are We Making A $700 Billion Mistake? (Pt. 1)

           I don’t know about you, but I’m worried sick. This financial market meltdown is giving me the willies, and now I think I see the devious greedy paws of chimps on the taxpayer’s checkbook.      Get a load of this: while Bernanke and Paulson are begging politicians for a big fat Wall…

  • Monkeys Are Making Monkeys Of Us

           They think they’re so smart, and maybe they are, but monkeys are often discovered posing as authority figures endangering life as we know it here on this planet many of us call “home.”      Imagine being wheeled into the operating room and your last vision before drifting off to slumberville is a monkey…