First Lady Michelle Obama has England all a-titter as a result of her brazen breach of protocol in greeting her highness, Queen Elizabeth II yesterday. The U.S. First Lady had the audacity to actually touch the Royal Mother’s royal backside– with her glove-less hand!
This flagrant assault to civility has Anglophiles worldwide “quite upset, actually. Not at all pleased.” The formal greeting of Her Highness is to curtsey, grovel at her feet pleading one’s unworthiness to be in her company, self-flagellation with a cat o’ nine tails and signing over ownership of all worldly possessions to the Queen.
Sir Nigel Rathbunn Tittleshower-Glipp, a noted British historian reports that Ms. Obama’s egregious act was “one of the most horrific things to ever happen in the history of civilisation.”
“I would put Ms. Obama’s terrible faux pas right up there with other noted American breaches of proper etiquette when in the company of a Royal subject. While I do not believe The First Lady’s barbaric incident surpasses Grover Cleveland’s outrageous behavior toward Queen Victoria in 1895, it still ranks in the top three of all time U.S. insults to the Crown.”
The infamous Grover Cleveland incident took place on March 11, 1895 when President Cleveland patted Queen Victoria smartly on her rump, then jumped up onto her back and requested a “piggyback ride ’round the Palace.“ Bystanders were shocked and not terribly amused by the portly president’s juvenile behavior. Cleveland weighed over 250 pounds, or as the Brits say, “18 stones– a bloody ton.”
The Royal Mother was also decidely not amused. “The President certainly enjoys his mutton and ale,” she famously quipped, “for his lard-ass was a chore to haul about. Twenty-eight minutes was all I could bear with that porker on my back.”
Cleveland took little offense at her comments and tried to make amends by kissing Queen Victoria. However, it appeared that “slipping The Lady a little tongue” is also a flagrant breach of Royal protocol. Cleveland was asked to never again set his heavy foot on British soil.
The other famously brazen American act of disrespect to a Royal happened on July 20, 1976 when President Gerald Ford met Queen Elizabeth II at Buckingham Palace and proceeded to attempt dancing “The Bump” with her to a Bee Gees disco song playing on a nearby radio.
President Ford was immediately banished from the Palace. Her Highness told reporters, “Disco sucks. Zeppelin rules.” She then flipped open a malt liquor and chugged.
14 responses to “Royal Scandals, An American Tradition”
The fact that “this brazen breach of protocol” got so much press is actually quite encouraging. It must mean that the world is not in such dire straits as I had thought, or the headlines would be more preoccupied with our economy’s trip to hell in a handbasket.
I belive Sir Nigel Rathbunn Tittleshower-Glipp’s quote read “one of the most horrific things to ever happen in the history of civiliSation,” if I’m not mistaken.
“CivilisZation” is the colonial spelling, young bard, and it is a faux pas exceeding Royal bum rubbing to attribute such to the upper crust of English society, according to my Irish relatives who clean their chamber pots.
Duly noted. I shall correct post haste. Would hate to colour the man’s English with improper usage, spelling and such.
Very funny article! When you lost the war of independence you lost the right to your aire of superiority.
These people may be royalty in your country, but in mine they are nobody. Just sayin…
Hey, question: I just ass-dialed the Queen when my Blackberry key pad got Earl of Sandwiched between my…er…rump. And the chair.
Will I be lumped into this “outrageous protocol-less American” bucket?
(She actually answered. Funny thing was, her royal piff-piff puffery sounded an awful lot like the spiff-spiff scuffle of my pants, so I guess we’re even).
Afraid you’ve pulled another American boner… the shame of it all.
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