Worst Song Ever


 

The pain, the pain, the insufferable pain!
The pain, the pain, the insufferable pain! Make it stop!

    I’m in the neighborhood supermarket innocently shopping when it happens– the PA system plays one of my most hated songs: “Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?” by that terrorist group calling itself “Chicago”.

    I am crippled as the inane lyrics of “walking down the street one day” bebop along accompanied by sunny horns blaring and toot-toot-tooting me down an emotional rathole. The melodic line worms its way into my cerebral cortex and takes root, infesting my brain with its horrible poison. The virus spreads. The horns, the stupid lyrics, the incessant evil background singers– they all roost in my consciousness and permeate my very being. Surely this is the soundtrack of hell. 

    I am infected.

    I am ill.

    I am a hostage under siege.

    Ironically, only one thing can dissipate the effect: time.

    Does anybody really know how much time it will take?

    Does anybody really care? I do. I really do.

    What is your most hated song? Let the discussion begin.


20 responses to “Worst Song Ever”

  1. Worst song – Jeremiah was a Bullfrog by CCR.

    Played constantly at a bar in Galveston circa 1972.

    One of the few songs I’ll turn off or change.

  2. Hateful, yes. I once worked at a store called Woolco where one of my duties was sweeping the floor. For two weeks they had a display set up playing “The Streak” by alleged funnyman Ray Stevens NONSTOP! The damage was permanent…

  3. Only one most hated song? My list is long, but the Top 3 are
    1. Billy, Don’t Be a Hero
    2. The Night Chicago Died (which, technically, would seem to make Patrick very happy)
    3. (Everybody was) Kung Fu Fighting.

    And by the way, Steve, don’t blame CCR for a bad song by Three Dog Night.

  4. Of course you can add “Wildfire”!

    And there’s lots more where that came from…

    Watching Scotty Grow (or just about any song from Bobby Goldsboro)

    Midnight at the Oasis

    Do Ya Think I’m Sexy (how could Rod Stewart devolve from The Faces to trying to cash in on disco?)

    Keep those horrible song reminders coming!

  5. Excellent suggestions, all. It’s like the Hall of Musical Shame.

    It seems we now have two sub-categories… “Macarena” kicks off a worst song at weddings category (add “The Electric Glide” for me)…
    “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy” opens up a category of respectable artists who laid the occasional musical turd (add McCartney’s “Another Silly Love Song”).

  6. There are so many. Funny how most of those songs are from the 70s, a decade which also gave us some of the last great music.

    I like most music, so “hate” doesn’t enter into a lot of it. But I would add a few unpopular favorites. “Seasons of the Sun” by Terry Jacks, most of “ABBA”, “I Always Feel Like Somebody’s watching Me” by Rockwell (Actually Barry Gordy’s son with Michael Jackson singing backup), “King Tut” by Steve Martin, “Rocket Man” By William Shatner (watch it on youtube), That Song by Patrick Swayze, That song by David Soul, “Sometimes When we Touch” By Dan Hill, Any Michael Jackson Duet, “Escape (The Pina Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes, and on and on and on…

  7. I really, really hate the song, “Happy Birthday.” It’s boring, repetitive and difficult to sing. It also reminds me of aging.

  8. Whitney Houston doing “I Will Always Love You”; I’ve never heard Dolly Parton do it (although she did write it), but it can’t be as bad…

  9. Does anybody really know if listening to music you don’t like inspired you to spend more money in a grocery store? I suspect some clever marketers have discovered that annoying background music leads to bigger sales.

  10. Anybody that responds to the question will give the impression that they’ve been in karaoke bars enough to be an authority. It’s sorta like admitting you’ve been to wrestling matches, Krystal restaurants at 3am, the Clairmont lounge, and other fun but tawdry places.

  11. I was a journeyman artist who assisted in making the pink and green papier mache hippo in the “Small World” ride at Disneyland. Throughout our lenthy installation process (with the help of those wacky imagineers), on it played, “It’s a world of laughter, a world of tears, it’s a world of hope and a world of tears. There’s so much that we share, that it’s time we’re aware it’s a small world after all.” I attribute any mental illness that I have to hearing that song over and over and over . . .

  12. Fave karaoke song?
    Feelings, whoa, whoa, whoa, Feelings.
    (It’s what I hum to get rid of “It’s A Small World.”)

  13. You poor, poor dear. I can only imagine the pain and suffering you must have endured. Perhaps a nip and tuck of the ol’ cerebral cortex would set you straight.

  14. Mickey by Tony Basil – heard it way too many times in the 80’s.

    Heartbeat by Don Johnson – Really. What was he thinking? I guess after hearing Melanie Griffith’s voice for years, you think you sound pretty good.

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