Archive for September, 2009

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For those parents cruel enough to subject their children to the speech made by President Barack Obama in schools today, you’d better start a shrink trust fund. The damage is done!

Hope your happy Mr. President!

Hope you're happy, Mr. President! You've ruined millions!

“My kid’s upstairs now crying his little eyeballs out,” reported an upset father in Texas. “He came home and said that mean ol’ president said that he had to study hard and that education was real important to get ahead in life. My boy got his little heart busted into a million tiny pieces by Obama’s talk! I wished we’d of home schooled the boy instead of sending him to that no good school, I surely do. I could teach him his gozintas. Two gozinta four twice times. See that? Teaching’s easy as pie. ”

A third grader in Alabama had this to say following the speech: “The president said we got to respect our parents and teachers and grown ups and I don’t need him giving me sassmouth and telling me what to do!”

A sixth grader in Pennsylvania was outraged by what he heard. “Who does this guy think he is, anyway? If I don’t like homework, I ain’t going to do it just ’cause he says so. Who died and made him God?”

A fourth grade girl in Florida said, “Obama kept talking about working hard to be successful but I don’t like working. And he didn’t say anything about getting more allowance if I did work hard. What a gyp! He’s trying to trick us.”

Finally, a seven grade boy in Georgia said, “I kept telling the teacher to change the channel to ESPN, but she wouldn’t. And my stupid parents wonder why I hate school so much.”

What will become of this lost generation? Only time and their psychiatrists will tell.

Many parents are outraged that President Barack Obama will soon be speaking directly to their children at schools via a “magic picture box” called TV.

Some parents are so upset, they are keeping their children out of school to avoid the political nature of Obama’s speech. Who could blame them?!

Quick-- duck, cover, hide, children-- it's The President!

Quick-- duck, cover, hide, children! It's The President!

The White House recently shared an advance copy of the speech in hopes of quieting angry parents. Fat chance! Listen to some of the outrageous things Obama will be telling our children:

“… get your homework done, and don’t spend every waking hour in front of the TV, or with that Xbox.” WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS? THIS IS AMERICA, IF MY KIDS WANT TO WATCH TV OR PLAY XBOX INSTEAD OF DOING HOMEWORK, THAT’S THEIR RIGHT. IT SAYS SO IN THE CONSTITUTION!

Every single one of you has something you’re good at. Every single one of you has something to offer. And you have a responsibility to yourself to discover what that is. HEY, WHAT AM I PAYING TAXES FOR? WHY SHOULD MY KIDS HAVE TO DISCOVER WHAT THEY’RE GOOD AT? AND WHO DOES OBAMA THINK HE IS ASKING MY KIDS TO WORK? DOES MY TAX MONEY PAY THEIR ALLOWANCES?! I DON’T THINK SO.

And no matter what you want to do with your life– I guarantee you’ll need an education to do it.” OH YEAH? WHAT IF MY KIDS WIN THE LOTTERY? THAT DON’T TAKE NO BOOK LEARNIN’… AND THEY MIGHT JUST DO IT, CAUSE IT’S THEIR RIGHT… SAYS SO IN THE CONSTITUTION!

“We need every single one of you to develop your talents, skills and intellect so you can help solve our most difficult problems.” OUR FOREFATHERS DIDN’T DIE TO MAKE OUR KIDS SOLVE DIFFICULT PROBLEMS. THEY SOLVED THEM AND PUT THE ANSWERS IN THE CONSTITUTION SO OUR KIDS COULD WATCH TV AND PLAX XBOX INSTEAD OF HURTING THEIR HEADS THINKING.

My father left my family when I was two years old, and I was raised by a single mother who struggled at time to pay the bills and wasn’t always able to give us things other kids had. HEY, DUDE, YOU’RE BUMMING MY KIDS OUT! LIGHTEN UP, BUDDY!

“… I hope you’ll all wash your hands a lot, and stay home from school when you don’t feel well, so we can keep people from getting the flu this fall and winter.” WHERE’S HE GET OFF TELLING MY KIDS TO WASH THEIR HANDS?! TELL THE GOVERNMENT TO KEEP THEIR GRUBBY SOCIALISTIC MITTS OFF MY KIDS’ SANITARY HABITS. AND IF THEY GO TO SCHOOL SICK AND SOME OTHER KID GETS THE FLU, TOUGH LUCK. THAT’S THE DEMOCRACY OF GERMS AND THEY ARE PROTECTED UNDER THE CONSTITUTION.

“If you get a bad grade, that doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.” IF MY KIDS ARE STUPID, THAT’S NONE OF THE LIBERAL GOVERNMENT’S BEE’S WAX. IF THEY DOESN’T WANT TO SPEND MORE TIME STUDYING, SO WHAT– XBOX IS MORE FUN AND THAT’S THEIR CHOICE! MAYBE THE GOVERNMENT SHOULDN’T GIVE BAD GRADES IN THE FIRST PLACE. I THINK IT SAYS IN THE CONSTITUTION THAT ALL AMERICANS ARE STRAIGHT-A STUDENTS!!!

“Don’t be afraid to ask help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new.” NOW THAT JUST PUTS A CHERRY ON IT! IF MY KIDS DON’T KNOW SOMETHING THEY SHOULD JUST ACT LIKE THEY DO… AND HOW DID WE EVEN ELECT A PRESIDENT WHO DOESN’T KNOW EVERYTHING? HE’S SUPPOSED TO. SAYS SO IN THE CONSTITUTION.

“I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you. So don’t let us down– don’t let your family or your country or yourself down.” IF MY KIDS WANT TO SERVE HEAPING DISHES OF DISAPPOINTMENT, THAT’S THEIR BUSINESS. THEY DON’T HAVE TO TRY JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY SO, MR. SUIT-WEARING-LIVING-IN-A-BIG-WHITE-HOUSE GUY. QUIT PUTTING SO MUCH PRESSURE ON MY KIDS– IT’LL PLAY MIND GAMES ON THEM WHEN THEY’RE PLAYING XBOX!!!

Have you heard the scuttlebutt about this ad created by DDB Brasil allegedly for the Worldwide Wildlife Federation?

It's amazing what some people will do to win awards.

It's amazing what some people will do to win awards.


The clever agency created this shocking image of many planes targeting the NYC skyline and married the following inane copy to complete the picture: The tsunami killed 100 times more people than 9/11. The planet is brutally powerful. Respect it. Preserve it. www.wwf.org” All anchored by the cute panda bear WWF logo. Awww, I just wanna cuddle with it!

Now get a load of this: the WWF never approved the ad, yet it somehow ran once in a small newspaper making it eligible for entry in award shows, then it “accidentally” was entered in The One Show where it won a merit award. Yee-haw!

Oh, and oops, a little video was made of the same concept and entered in Cannes, where fortunately it was little noticed or awarded.
This is exactly the kind of crap that makes our industry a joke to legitimate businesses and why clients happily pay outside consultants and question every invoice we deliver. It’s not just the chasing of awards, but it’s doing it with lame in-your-face concepts with loopy logic. “The planet is brutally powerful”– curse you Mother Earth, you and your untimely earthquakes underwater! I will respect you! I will preserve you!

It’s an asinine ad. The video is even worse since it brings the bad taste comparison to inglorious low budget life.

If there is any justice, this agency will suffer for their boneheaded grab at a little glory, business will leave and bodies will fall.

The planet will smugly giggle. She’s brutally powerful that way.