The Patch Fund


They're cute doing most anything, except smoking!
Oh, they’re cute doing just about anything, EXCEPT SMOKING!
Right now, millions of chimps and monkeys are smoking themselves to death.

Furry friends with bad cases of jangly nerves, dieting monkeys, post-coital chimps– they all need our help. They can’t resist the seductive allure of nicotine, but we can help give them a fighting chance by being strong when they are weak.

Working together, we can raise the funds necessary to supply these chimps and monkeys nicotine gum and nicotine patches. These are the tools they need to build a foundation of willpower and get the tobacco monkeys off their backs.

Won’t you help? Send money (a little more than you can afford) to me c/o The Lint Screen and together we’ll help monkeys and chimps evolve some healthier habits.


8 responses to “The Patch Fund”

  1. My cousin out in Acworth doesn’t think you’re gonna get those patches to stick to monkey fur. They don’t stick to his friend Eli, but he’s hairier than most.

  2. Actually, I think they look pretty cute when they’re smoking. At least then they’re not scratching their butts and flinging poo at each other.

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