Washington politicians are lighting their torches, waving pitchforks in the air and giving loud angry mob grumbles to protest total body scanning x-Ray equipment being used as a safeguard against terrorists.

These technologically advanced machines are currently installed in many airports and are being proposed for many more as an effective weapon in the war on terror. No one disputes the ability of these machines to show weapons and potentially dangerous devices, but they also show more.

“Oh, they do a marvelous job of showing who’s a threat and who’s not,” said a Senator from a state with four letters (but not “Iowa”), “but they also show what a person looks like buck naked, and that’s something that just seems Satanically hot, evil and worth making some political hay over. And I intend to do just that!”

Although many politicians have been caught in saucy, sordid extramarital affairs thmselves, they will not stand idly by and allow the public to be scanned in airports in order to protect the very same public.

“Some things are better left to the bedroom, provided the bedroom is in a state where you can do certain hot things legally,” said an unnamed Representative from a state whose flag features a lone star. “An airport is no place to know what people have going on beneath their clothes. Frankly, some of these images are so explicit I can imagine them ending up in dirty magazines, websites and nasty videos. Oh, yeah, that’s the stuff… I’m imagining it now, baby…. oh, yeah, scan it good, baby. Wait! Think of the children! For goodness sake, think of the children– one of our most precious assets, next to gold and diamonds. Why these explicit x-Rays may be a greater threat to the public than the terrorists they’re supposed to protect us from.” The politician stopped and became excited. “Hey, that’s a good sound bite,” he said as he danced, twirled and performed a full leg split. He shouted “I’m making the news tonight, I’m making the news tonight! Nah, nah, nah, nah nah!”

We’ll see you at the airport… every sexy bit of you.