Thu 25 Feb 2010
The spirited conversation included republican leaders challenging the criticism that they had “no ideas” for reducing the cost of healthcare. “I think we should pass legislation outlawing bad health. Let’s nip this whole problem in the bud,” demanded a republican senator. “If people didn’t get sick, they wouldn’t need health care. Problem solved!” The senator dropped to the floor and spun like a top on his back.
Another republican senator expressed outrage of being branded enemies of progress. “The dems keep saying we are the party of ‘no.’ Are we the party of no? N-O, no! We are not the party of no. Never have been. No, no, no, no!”
A democratic congressman began an impassioned speech in favor of the House healthcare bill. He lifted the 1,990- page document to punctuate his point, screamed in agony “I’ve ripped a groin muscle!” and toppled over hitting his head on a table. Politicians from both parties huddled around their wounded compatriot. “Thank goodness we have a terrific healthcare system,” one lawmaker was heard to say. “Someone should call an ambulance. A solid gold one.”
Another lawmaker shouted, “Hey, you guys want to grab a steak and lobster dinner, maybe get some Johnnie Walker Blue– I’ve got a passel of lobbyists waiting outside with platinum AmEx cards at the ready!”
With that, the room emptied as the injured politician bled. A coyote howled in the distance.