“We speak ‘Patriot’ which ain’t like no king’s English cuz we ain’t never bowin’ down to no king or no dadblum government official of any kind,” said Clem Burnsack, official Tea Bagger Party spokesman as he dropped his chin to his spit cup and expelled a brown river. He loaded another plug of tobacco and continued.
“Now there’s some who say we don’t spell or grammar so good, but that’s just cuz we’re so mad we’re fixin’ to pop a gasket. We don’t want no politicians or government getting their greedy hands on our Medicare or Social Security checks. We earned ’em straight up and they’re ours! If it takes us getting some book learnin’ of the formalized English language to be better speakin’-like, well I reckon that’s what we’ll do. But not cuz the government wants us to! The government’s evil and needs to keep its mitts off my money.”
Another patriot, Paul Wint, said that he thinks Tea Baggers are unfairly criticized for poor spelling and grammar. “It’s the government’s way of making us feel stupid and under-edjemecated. The government don’t like us home schoolerizing our kids cuz the government wants to brainwash their little heads with their government gobblygook and such. Others might study all this English crap, but I ain’t got no use for it. I speak Patriot, and if you don’t understand it I got me firearms that are understood in just about any language.” He pulled out a pistol, fired it into the air and danced a little jig.
5 responses to “Tea Baggers Embrace ESL”
Well written, young sir.
Before reading this, my fave tea bad poster was “No Pubic Option.” Now I can’t decide between that abd “Youth in Asia will Kill your Grandma.”
A tie?
Hmmm, ‘pubic option’ may win- by a hair.
Thanks, you’ve been a great audience, I’ll be here all week!
Maybe if they did have a “pubic option” they’d be home taking advantage of it, instead of displaying their ignorance in pubic. – wait – that doesn’t look right….
The funniest thing about this tragedy is that I didn’t understand the “Youth in Asia will kill your Grandma” signs until reading Kitty’s comment! I thought somehow they were worried about us being invaded by hordes of Chinese coming here trying to collect on the trillion dollars we owe them. But in trying to understand why K. thought it was as funny as the “No Pubic Option,” I read it again and again until I started laughing and crying uncontrollably.
Ignorance often delights. Ah, sweet stupidity, why are you so amusing?