As a kid, I attended St. Patrick’s Elementary School in Hubbard, Ohio. My uniform was sharp-creased navy blue dress pants with a crisp white shirt and clip-on tie. We had ‘lay teachers’ (ordinary civilians), but we were also taught by ruler-wielding nuns who smacked palms into submission. The pain told the brain and body to obey.
One tormentor-in-habit used to give me an open-hand whack across the chops because she thought I was tormenting her on purpose with my ignorance in math. I wasn’t– I really was that stupid with the ‘new math’, and her instilling fear in me certainly didn’t help matters. I’d laugh at her slaps (being class clown, I had to save face) which only get her angrier. But at least she’d let me sit back down again with one cheek out of four stinging.
I was subjected to some pretty inventive disciplinary actions by nuns: holding erasers with arms outstretched for long stretches of time or kneeling on the floor and placing my nose into a small circle that the nun had drawn on the blackboard. Gitmo had nothing on the good Sisters.
The real Sœur Sourire had a guitar, a song and an angelic voice. The song “Dominique” would occupy a warm cubbyhole in the corridors of my consciousness. Years later, when the real nuns disciplined me, I would hear the joyful song of The Singing Nun and feel comforted. I believed She of the guitar would never have subjected me to pain. But I could have been wrong in my assumption, after all, she never had to teach me math.
Enjoy the song from the movie and let it take residence in your psyche. If you have a nun tale to tell, do tell. I harbor no ill will at the good nuns, they’re all saints to me. Some of the saints had a mean right cross to the head.
7 responses to “My Idyllic Nun”
My aunt Liz (Sr. Catherine Marie) is a stunning 5’11” beauty often called Sr. What-a-Waste behind her all-seeing back. I, with 5 brothers (one older), know why she joined the Dominican convent. Her 5 brothers were ALL older.
No one dared date her.
After 30 years teaching English at San Gabriel Mission High School, she’s now a Chaplain at the Women’s Prison in LA, and a big Lint Screen fan (who prayed for you in solidarity with other Dominican Sisters during your hip surgery). You can probably do math now.
It’s a miracle.
Amen, sister Kitty, and here’s to all the real Sisters out there who had to suffer through teaching smart-ass kids like me.
I am comforted knowing I have Sr. Catherine Marie in my corner and reading my drivel. Sister, if you’re reading, thanks, spread the good Lint word to others and God bless.
As for my math skills, let’s just say you don’t want me doing your taxes– unless you want to end up in lock-up with Sr. Catherine Marie looking over you.
As a Catholic schoolboy, I was never molested by the priests. But the nun who taught me seventh grade math, I think we were involved in a really heavy S&M relationship.
That was a common teaching method with ‘the new math’…
Unfortunately,the angelic,idyllic “Singing Nun”, Sœur Sourire (Sister Smile), AKA Jeanne-Paule Marie Deckers, and her lesbian companion of ten years, Anna Pécher,citing financial difficulties as a result of owing $63,000 USD in back taxes, both committed suicide by an overdose of barbiturates and alcohol on 29 March 1985.
What a sad, sad story. I’ll bet she’s singing for angels now.
Thanks for the background and please keep collecting Lint.
[…] third grade, I won a Noble Prize for being a good student at St. Pat’s Elementary School. The nuns loved me. I guess my secretary mistakenly thought it was the other prize. Brenda was an awful […]