BP is getting tired of being the scapegoat for the Deepwater Horizon oil spill that is still dumping millions of gallons of crude oil into the Gulf of Mexico, and the company is now taking a more Zen approach to its public relations.
“Look, we’ve tried the old ‘apologetic, contrition, guilt’ and ‘we’re here for you’ approach,” said a company insider who demanded anonymity, “but we’re still taking it on the chin, public relations-wise. So now we’re just asking people to take a chill pill and relax. I mean, come on, Doris Day said it best– que sera sera. Which means, ‘whatever will be, will be. The future’s not ours to see. Que sera sera.’ There’s a ton of wisdom in those song lyrics, and that perky blonde may have been one of our greatest philosophers in troubling times like these.”
BP is even thinking that it may be a useless effort to continue operations to try and stop the leaking. “Nothing seems to be working,” said the insider, “and everything we do only exasperates our bad P.R. So, fine. Maybe we should just sit back and let some Einstein come up with a solution. I’m not saying we will, but we’re getting pretty sick and tired of the beating we’re getting in the press. Now there’s hurricanes brewing– hey, is anyone blaming Mother Nature? No. No, it’s all evil BP’s fault. I, for one, am sick of fighting a losing battle,” said the irate man in his $4,000 tailored suit and $1,500 shoes, “we just can’t win here! He pivoted quickly and walked away, disgusted, perhaps in search of a ‘chill pill’ to ease his frustration.
8 responses to “BP Says, “Que Sera Sera””
Good stuff, Doris. I mean, Patrick. It’s the story that just won’t go away, right? For example, I created a video about the spill a month ago and it’s amazing how quickly the facts have changed. See for yourself;
Nice video and music, Steve. BP’s not too good with numbers– or deep sea drilling.
The “wave” photo in this post is a museum-quality work of art. But you know that, of course.
It’s so abstract one could view it as many things.
Most art critics would say it’s a photo or artistic representation of a cresting wave of thick, dark oil about to sweep onto a Gulf beach or wildlife sanctuary.
Given my expertise in art, I would challenge this conventional interpretation. When you look at the photo/artwork, squint your eyes a little.
Might not the photo/artwork be a thick head of 50s hair awash in a handful of Brylcreem? Possibly Elvis’s hair? Perhaps a little known piece of art done by Warhol in honor of Elvis?
If your photo/artwork is the latter, Patrick – a photo of Elvis’s lush, thick hair or a painting of it by Warhol – then your interesting but faux autographed baseball is only a minor part of your nest egg. (Provenance will matter.)
Note: I still say that BP should give a billion or so dollars worth of super-absorbent ShamWows! to help clean up the mess they made in the Gulf.
Yes, Curvin, it is a wonderful photo (which I found on Google images, a good place for images and whatnots).
The Elvis connection is interesting. The Big E is not dead, but of course you know already that. Like Hitler, JFK and Vince Tayback, they are only thought to be dead. The truth lies somewhere in Brazil or New Mexico.
The ShamWow idea is huge and I suggest you get it to that Tony Hayward bastard post haste. This is just the sort of solution he needs to be taking forward for easing public outrage and taking the sweat off his PR people.
As for my baseball– my nest egg– I may reveal more about it at a later date. No promises, I feel like I’m baiting thieves!
Tony Hayward, the “I want my life back” guy, isn’t taking my calls. He zipping around the world trying to peddle BP shares to various governments led by evil dictator, along with a few led by slimy potentates. According to an article I read today, he’s out of the picture at BP as soon as the blowout is fixed. I bet he can’t wait.
None of us can wait!
Isn’t it amazing how we continually refer to corporations (and nations, churches, etc.) as we do to people … “BP says…”, “The Church confirmed…”, “The White House repudiated…”
It’s a great way for individual people to revoke any responsibility they should own for their actions.
… I was struck by this idea by reading your post’s first line, “BP is getting tired …”
A corporation can’t feel tired or any other feeling … and I’m going to be vigilant about my use of language … One of the ways we can hold responsible the actual humans who commit crimes (or commit any act) is to refer to actual people … With the “BP is tired …” statement, I want to know *who* is actually “tired of being the scapegoat” … other than Tony Hayward, of course.
Too damn bad for anyone at BP, other than anyone who’s doing actual *work* to repair the damage.
One of the ways ordinary citizens might be able to weaken the power of corporations and their ilk is to continually remind ourselves and one another that corporations are not people …
Amen, sister! I agree with you completely. I took journalistic license in personifying BP, because that’s what so many shoddy journalists do, but you’re right. And what will only make matter worse is the Supreme Court decision to allow corporations to spend as much as they want on political ads because they should be treated like people– with freedom of speech! Outrageous. Thanks for collecting Lint and keeping a tongue firmly imbedded in cheek!