LeBron to lift spirits of new fans!

As the world waits on his big decision, The Lint Screen has learned basketball megastar LeBron James will announce his decision tonight to forego the offers from pro teams in favor of Ursuline High School in Youngstown, Ohio.

If true, this could shake the entire foundation of civilization as we know it, or certainly, the progression of athletes through school systems to professional franchises.

“LeBron knows he can play absolutely anywhere,” said the unnamed source close to him, “but his favorite time playing ball was with St. Vincent–St. Mary High School in Akron. He wants to go back to go forward again. And Ursuline High came through with a package that is going to be hard for anyone else to beat. I mean, it’s sugar-with-honey-and-artificial-sweetener good! Yamma yamma zowee!”

Officials at Ursuline did not return phone calls, so this rumor must be true. Tune in to ESPN tonight and let’s find out! Soon, Ursuline fans may be riding higher than LeBron.