Archive for October, 2010

Politics is uglier than ever. Is it any wonder we have the finest politicians money can buy?

This election season is unbearably tragic.

Thanks to the U.S. Supreme Court’s boneheaded ‘Citizen United’ decision earlier this year, corporations, unions, rich fatcats and special interest groups can dump untold fortunes into political campaigns and causes. And, they can do so under the cloak of secrecy with fake organizational names like The Coalition For Freedom And Justice To Preserve Our Constitutional Rights, or People for Protection Against Terror & Terrorists, or Citizens Who Truly Love The American Way of Life, or God’s People Fighting The Hidden Satanic Powers.

All this money is used to make spots that plunge our political discourse to new depths of sleaze, muckraking and mud slinging. The spots flood the airwaves with copy points like…
“Joe Doe says he wants to lower taxes, but he’s never denied that he hasn’t killed small children or strangled puppies with his bare hands…”
“Tom Mutt claims to be a family man, but how do we know he doesn’t have three, four or even ten wives– with countless illegitimate children born out of wedlock? Can we really trust a man of unproven, questionable moral character to represent us in Washington?”
“If Jane Duwayne is so concerned about balancing the state’s budget, why did she get slapped with stinging penalty overdraft charges to her checking account in 1998? Is this the sort of fiscally irresponsible behavior we want today? Can we really trust our financial future to someone who is so reckless she’s been penalized by big banks? And how do we know she doesn’t owe those big bankers more payback? Can we really afford to mortgage our future, and our children’s future on Jane Duwayne?”
“Mike Tadpole says he’s a conservative Republican. But we have no idea if he voted for Obama, secretly loves Nancy Pelosi or is best friends with Harry Reid. And how do we know he’s not hiding bin Laden in his tool shed? Could that be the reason he’s never once talked about his tool shed in his campaigning? What’s Mike Tadpole hiding? Do we really want to find out?”

Sadly, until some real campaign finance reform legislation is passed, which will be next to never since the money funding politicians won’t allow it, we’re stuck with our current freak show political process and airwaves clogged with mud. And all too often, the candidates and causes with the deepest pockets win. And exactly whose best interest do you think they’re beholden to?

Pitiful. Can’t we do better?

What price friendship? We'll never know (can't disclose).

My movie barometer for a terrible movie is this: how much would someone have to pay me to see it again?

There are films that I would not see again for $50. Not even if you threw in popcorn and Milk Duds.

My barometer for a great movie is will I shell out money to see it again in a theatre? The answer is yes for The Social Network. I saw this film for the second time last night and it was every bit as enjoyable as the first go ’round.

Now get a load of this: I’m seriously thinking about a third viewing.

This movie is far and away the best movie of the year. The kind of movie you’ll want to spread the good word about on Facebook. If there is any taste in Hollywood, it should attract Academy Awards nominations like a wool suit collects dog hairs.

Sorkin’s script, Fincher’s direction, Eisenberg, Garfield, Hammer(s), Timberlake– all the acting, the music, editing, cinematography, everything in this film is perfect. It’s wonderful to see an adult movie without car chases, huge special effects, convoluted characters or a plastic soul. It is the rarest of wonders.

This is straight ahead a good story very well told and executed.

See it, at least once in the theatre.

It takes great confidence to name a store this name.

In my travels as an adman, I’ve been to many places and seen many things. I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen James Taylor on fire and pleading for water. Any kind of water. But I’ve never seen a retail establishment with a name that tops the one in downtown Salisbury, North Carolina: OK Wigs.

Now, maybe OK is the initials of the owner, but I prefer to think it is a humble statement of the store’s inventory. I can imagine a customer wandering in off the street and the following conversation taking place…

The wigs look better than OK. But then again...

“Hi. Can you tell me about this wig?”
“Oh, it’s brown hair and it’s OK.”
“Is it a pretty good wig?”
“Ummm, I don’t think I’d go that far. It’s OK.”
“Yeah, OK. I mean, it pretty much covers the skull. See?”
“I see…”
“It’s hair-like. You can get brush it just like real hair.”
“Ummm hmmm…”
“So, I guess it’s pretty much OK.”
“It’s an OK wig?”
“Yep, OK. Definitely OK.”
“Nothing special.”
“No. Just OK.”
“Not the best?”
“Absolutely not the best.”
“And saying it’s pretty good would be going too far?”
“Probably. I mean, it’s not that good.”
“But it is OK?”
“Sure is. It’s OK all day long.”
“I see. And what about this wig over here?”
“It’s OK, too.”
“Is it any better than the other wig?”
“Nope. They’re both pretty OK.”
“And what about all these other wigs?”
“Well, let’s see. That’s OK. OK. OK. OK. OK. Well, they’re all OK.”
“So, they’re all OK wigs?”
“Yep. That’s all we sell here, OK wigs. Hence, the store’s name.”
“OK. I admire your humble honesty. I guess I’ll buy a couple OK wigs.”

And so it would go: hair flying out the door like a tornado through a six-seat barber shop. If you’re ever around downtown Salisbury, stop in and buy a few OK Wigs. They’ll make great gifts for your mannequin heads, or your own.

Democrat Chris Coons claims Christine O'Donnell was involved in his amazing body transformation

Tea Party Republican candidate Christine O’Donnell, running for a Delaware Senate seat, recently ran a TV commercial in which she said, “I am not a witch.” The spot was a tongue in cheek response to her admission years ago to Bill Maher on Politically Incorrect that she had studied witchcraft.

Now, Ms. O’Donnell is in the spotlight again after her Senate opponent, Democrat Chris Coons, left his human body to occupy a toad’s form. A spokesperson for Mr. Coons said that the candidate is furious about this sudden transformation and strongly suspects “witch O’Donnell’s black magic hand” involvement in the matter.

“Now it’s going to be next to impossible for Chris Coons to run an effective campaign against Christine O’Donnell. Our polling indicates that the voting public is not ready for an amphibian in Washington, especially one with little bladder control when frightened. We demand Ms. O’Donnell lift her evil spell and fight fair!”

When Ms. O’Donnell was contacted for her response to the allegations, she said, “I’m innocent– innocent, I tells ya!” She then turned into a puff of smoke and vanished.

When kooky ol’ North Korean leader Kim Jong-il announced that his youngest son, Kim Jong-un, would succeed him as leader, many asked, “Huh, what’s up with that?”

Get to know me, dudes!

Well, for the curious, here are some little know facts about the next leader of Commie Korea.

• He prefers radishes to celery and Captain Morgan’s to both
• Nickname: ‘Son of Looney Tunes’
• Favorite band: Jefferson Starship
• When he was a baby, often wet himself
• Favorite number: 666
• Adores romance novels with Vikings and mermaids
• Dude loves his beer pong and rules at Atari Pong, too!
• He’s Korean
• Follows Ashton K’s tweets religiously
• Hopes to some day appear on Dancing With The Stars in a sheer satin gown
• Has two friends on Facebook, his father is one of them
• Digs thongs
• Likes dragons better than unicorns, neither as much as solid gold bricks
• Wants to grow a John Waters ‘stache some day
• Is seriously considering changing name to Kim Jong-Awesome!

Over $100 million spent on ads is improving BP's image.

Officials at BP today reported they are achieving excellent results from the over $100 million it has spent on advocacy ads to blunt its negative image following the Deepwater Horizon explosion and oil spill.

“We’re quite pleased with the results our corporate ads have had,” said Tim Jourdinky, Minister of Corporate Propaganda. “After our little mishap, people associated BP with Satan, which isn’t ideal from an image perspective. Today, we’re associated with lesser strains of evil, like Stalin or Hitler. The messages are working. People are buying them!”

Mr. Jourdinky declined to comment on the actual efforts BP is doing in cleaning up the environmental mess, compensating a variety of local businesses for income lost because of the spill and fixing lapses in safety standards to ensure another “mishap” like the Deepwater Horizon never happens again.

“Reality is reality and there’s not much we can do about it,” the spin guru said, “but crafting messages that give hope and change perceptions– that’s the goal here. And we’re moving strongly toward the goal line!”