Archive for December, 2010

Cry not, sweet tombstone angel–– soon we'll be rich!

One of the things I love about this digital world is the ability to connect to people. It’s both remarkable and can be quite profitable.

Case in point: a recent dispatch I received from a good man named ‘Rene Keita.’ I’m not sure where this person is from, but he is a kind, caring, compassionate soul who only wants to assist me in finding wealth as a result of the tragic passing of a distant relative I never knew I had!

Read his urgent message to me below and you’ll see my good fortune!

Dear Patrick Scullin,
I am Personal lawyer to Engr.M.J. Scullin , who died in an auto accident along side with his family. After all investigation even with the relevant embassy has yielded no results showing that there is no living next of kin.
I hereby solicit for your immediate response and positive committed efforts to facilitate the fund remittal of total sum $31 million USD before it get confiscated by the bank. This fund was left behind with a bank by my late client.I have all the necessary proof
Upon your positive response to this covenant, I will make all necessary information known to you. please get in touch with me through my email at ( rene.keita@hotmail.fr ) for more details.
Yours
Rene Keita

I am in for a cool $31 million clamollas, and I didn’t even have to scratch a lottery ticket to win! One Scullin gets planted in the earth, the other plucks the monetary fruits of his life’s labor. What could be easier?

I’ve dispatched all my personal information to Rene Keita and imagine I’ll soon be hob-nobbing amongst the swells (“Hello, Mick Jagger, do you know my friends, Alan Thicke, Doug Henning, Lorraine Bracco and Richard Belzer?”) I’ll be a fabulously wealthy fat cat, thanks to the untimely death of a dearly departed relative I never knew but feel eternally grateful to.

It’s this kind of connectivity that I believe will make this internet thing go from being a fad to a real sensation and perhaps a permanent useful tool.

Has the internet changed your life for the better? Please share.

Someone vigorously denies always leaving the toilet seat up.

Discerning newshounds do not wish to wade through the morass of the 250,000 leaked diplomatic cables posted recently by WikiLeaks, so the staff of The Lint Screen have selected the following choice morsels for your enlightenment and amazement.

1. Russian prime minister, Vladimir Putin is reported to frequently brush his teeth without first flossing. “It is an absolutely outrageous allegation,” says a source close to the Ruskie leader. “Mr. Putin always has minty-fresh breath and almost no tartar or plaque build-up. Obviously his dental hygiene is second to none!”
2. Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki leaves the seat up.
3. Hillary Clinton thinks the best way to persuade Egyptian leaders is by using a stage whisper, winking and making occasional wild bird sounds.
4. The secret handshake of Hamas involves elbows, ear wriggling and yogurt.
5. Russia’s president, Dmitry Medvedev is allegedly afraid of moths and saber-toothed tigers.
6. China isn’t buying “the check’s in the mail” explanation for the payback of U.S. debt. Officials say the government will soon try a new tact: “We’re going to claim that we’ve run out of checks and are waiting for new ones to arrive.”
7. French president Nicolas Sarkozy reportedly is a bad french kisser. “He spits like a camel sucking on a lemon.”
8. The spat between Iran’s Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the Saudi’s King Abdullah began years ago when the Iranian leader lent the King his CD of Led Zeppelin’s Houses of The Holy and it came back “looking like a cat used it as a scratching post.”
9. Pakistan’s president Asif Ali Zardari rarely eats salads or collects Mardi Gras masks.
10. The Afghan Taliban’s hygiene is not as good as one might think.
11. The U.S. cables were downloaded when an security insider hacked into the top secret government security system by correctly guessing the password “1234.”
12. WikiLeaks founder, Julian Assange, is a bedwetter, according to angry government security figures.