Comedian and NBC Tonight Show host Jay Leno is tired of being played for the heavy.

Following Howard Stern’s recent admission to chat show host Piers Morgan that he did not like Leno “personally or professionally,” Jay began to cry like a child who is saddened by harsh criticism from Howard Stern.

“You’ve got to understand this about Jay Leno,” said a spokesman for the star, “he is a mega-talent who wants unconditional love from everyone. If he stabbed you in the back, he still wants you to love him for being a stepping stone for his ego and admit that you’ve been stabbed by the absolute best ever.”

To combat his negative perceptions, Leno plans to become “friends” with many of his adversaries. The spokesman reports that Leno has joined a new website on the internet called Facebook that allows people to openly pledge their friendships by requesting to “friend” one another. Leno has sent friend requests to Howard Stern, Conan O’Brien and David Letterman.

“Jay is confident that he can weasel his way back into the public’s heart by becoming friendly with his so-called enemies. It’s brilliant, really, when you think about it. But, you can’t expect anything less from a superstar like Jay Leno!”