Beware what you write on the internets, weisenheimers!

In a bold move, the Internet Police have stepped up prosecution of laugh out-loud (LOL) violations.

“We’re going to nip this problem in the old budarooski,” said IP Chief Randy McTaversh. “For far too long we’ve allowed polite smiles, mild chortles, even repressed chuckles to maliciously impersonate LOLs–– and we’re sending a message that this will not stand!”

Violators face serious prosecution including five-inch hot metal spiked driven through eyeballs, Louisville Sluggers ‘going for the fences’ on the kneecaps, repeated viewings of Louie Anderson’s stand-up routines and in extreme cases, beheading accompanied by genial mocking.

“I’m going to watch myself,” said internet fan, Mike Ralstond, “I have high speed hook-up and I wouldn’t want the Internet Police pulling me over for speeding. LOL.”

Visiting hours for Mr. Ralstond are 6-8 pm at Ferguson’s Funeral Home on Mission Street.