Now that the “long version” of President Barack Obama’s birth certificate has been made public, celebrity head o’ hair Donald Trump is demanding new proof of Obama’s citizenship.
Citizenship in the human race!
The Donald is now claiming that the President may not be a human being, he may be an alien from another planet!
“Look,” Trump told reporters while breaking ripe cantelopes with a polo mallet, “I’m an incredibly successful, charismatic natural born leader. Certainly the most intelligent human ever conceived. People want me to be President. I get that– they’d be nuts not to want me. Now Obama, he’s the leader of the free world–– why won’t he go on air and bare his belly for all the world to see that he was born of woman. I mean, come on, what’s he trying to hide? His showing his belly button would give some proof that he’s not an alien sent here to destroy civilization and eat our children, kill our seniors and bankrupt our society. What’s he trying to hide, anyway? Mr. President, just lift your shirt, bare the button and be done with it.”
“I’d make a great President,” Trump said. “The best ever. Lincoln’d be crap compared to me.”
13 responses to “Trump Demands Obama Show His Belly Button”
Here’s my response to The Donald:
“You want Obama to show his belly button? Well, here’s what I want. Lift up that mop of hair on your head. Let one of America’s foremost surgeons do some exploratory work. If the surgeon discovers a fully functioning brain inside your head, then we can talk about next steps. Meanwhile, ‘You’re fired!’ Ask your kids and grandson if you want a second opinion. You’re embarrassing them so much they’re talking with high-priced attorneys about changing their last name. Better than Lincoln? Next thing you know you’re going to claim that you walk on water and turn water into wine. The best wine ever. You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to go out for a big dinner tonight. And when I get home, when the time is just right, I’m going to sit on my porcelain throne and produce a facsimile of you. Want me to send it to you?”
The Lint Screen posed your question toThe Donald. He replied, “Send it, but only if it’s the greatest crap ever! I deserve nothing but the absolute bestest of the greatest!”
To The Donald:
“When it’s ready, it’ll be a doozie.”
It occurred to me that Jesus Christ, Republicans and Donald Trump all have the same number of letters in their names, eleven. When written as a numeral, eleven is a palindrome, the first part spelled exactly like Sarah! Palin’s last name. Coincidence? I think not. Trump has divine intervention on his side to rule the world, I mean the country.
I believe you have just blown the collective minds of all thinking people.
Thanks for connecting the dots so that we all have a better understanding of why things are as they are.
Queen of Romania,
I read your startling post. If it’s true that The Donald has divine powers on his side, what should I do with the uncanny likeness of him that I created last night after dinner? Send it to him? Create even more of them so that they can be used as artifacts that his followers worship? I await your advice and counsel.
So, Curvin. Do these facsimiles come complete with poofy blond hair?
Just askin’
Turds with a rug? How Trumpian.
Bill,
Thanks to that big suckup, Randy McTaversh, chief of the Internet Police, I am no longer creating The Donald facsimiles. McTaversh got in touch with Trump, and then Trump called his attorneys, and then the attorneys sent me a harshly-worded cease-and-disist order. How life-like were my facsimiles? Well, let me put it this way. If you had one and happened to pull it out of your pocket – at a restaurant, say, or on a bus – people would recoil in horror.
Spelling error: It’s actually “cease-and-desist.” (I hate it when I tumble into the depths of Trump, Palin and Bachmann. You know, the really, really stupid.)
Oh oh, looks like we may have to set up The Lint Screen on a “secure” internet site. McTaversh is on to us!
Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do, even in the face of possible retributions by the authorities.
What, for example, am I supposed to do with this news I just found on The Onion? Ignore it?
•••
Afterbirthers Demand To See Obama’s Placenta
WASHINGTON – In the continuing controversy surrounding the president’s U.S. citizenship, a new fringe group informally known as “Afterbirthers” demanded Monday the authentication of Barack Obama’s placenta from his time inside his mother’s womb.
“All we are asking is that the president produce a sample of his fetal membranes and vessels – preferably along with a photo of the crowning and delivery – and this will all be over,” said former presidential candidate and Afterbirthers spokesman Alan Keyes, later adding that his organization would be willing to settle for a half-liter of maternal cord plasma.
“To this day, the American people have not seen a cervical mucus plug, let alone one that has been signed and notarized by a state-certified Hawaiian health official. If the president was indeed born in the manner in which he claims, then where is his gestation sac?”
Keyes said that if Obama did not soon produce at least a bloody bedsheet from his conception, Afterbirthers would push forward with efforts to exhume the president’s deceased mother and inspect the corpse’s pelvic bone and birth canal.
•••
There’s no way McTaversh can track me down. I’ve taken up residence in “the cloud.”
[…] a doggone minute––you just told me you were African American. Wait–– are you related to Barack Obama? He was from Kenya, I […]