Trouble in paradise? The scene following the Royal row.

It appears the storybook wedding of a commoner to a prince may be over almost as soon as it began. The rumor mills are working overtime that the marriage of Kate Middleton to Prince William is on the rocks, or to quote Iron Chef Masaharu Morimoto, “Kaputsville. She’s shutting the dude down.”

Embedded The Lint Screen reporters say the following exchange took place in a love nest the couple shared following their wedding ceremony.

(CAST: Prince William–PW, Kate Middleton–KM)
PW: I say, my angel-love, these crumpets are quite lovely. Each morsel is absolutely divine. Heavenly, I must say!
KM: Enough of your incessant chatter, you twit, I can’t take it any longer! Could you possibly be quiet for just one moment, or do you never tire of hearing your incessant blathering?!
PW: My word, lovee, whatever is it? Are you feeling out of sorts?
KM: Out of sorts?! Oh, that’s rich! Me, out of sorts. (Affecting a Cockney accent) Shall I polish your silver, guv’nor. Do the family jewels need attending to? How might I be of service to you, m’lord?!
PW: Good heavens, Katie-wait-waits, whatever has you on edge?
KM: Are the cameras off, then, Billy-boy? Am I done with the pageantry blushing bride business? Might I finally let my knickers down, then?
PW: Please, Kate, there’s no need for courseness.
KM: Enough. I cannot, I will not be trapped like this. I want to be free! I want to soar, I want to live, I want to dance! I want to laugh by the moonlight and kiss the sunrise! I want to feel cool mud between my toes and bask in the warmth of a dead moose carcass…
PW: What was that, dear? I was texting Henry and I’m afraid I missed what you just said…
KM: Then hear this– I’m done!
(SFX: Smashing glassware, frustrated female screams and subdued sounds of a man sobbing uncontrollably.)

Royal watchers are concerned for where this marriage may be heading. Others report it is typical to begin a healthy marriage with a healthy row, followed by decades of suppressed anger and festering rage.

Time will tell.