The evil bastard Osama bin Laden had a darker side than any of us imagined.


The recent raid of Osama bin Laden’s Pakistan pad resulted in his death, some nasty rug stains and his eternal shame and embarrassment as U.S. government officials today released details of records captured in the evil man’s lair.

There is one obvious conclusion to be drawn: bin Laden had truly disturbing taste in music!

The al Qaeda leader had a 666 vinyl album collection that included the entire works of Yanni, Ethel Merman, Spice Girls, Vanilla Ice, Fat Louie Szykowski & His Big Polka Band, Mini Moni, Hanson, Limp Bizkit, Baccara, Air Supply, Nickelback, Tiny Tim, Tiffany, Starland Vocal Band, Armi ja Danny, John Tesh, Hoobastank, Jonas Brothers, Rick Dees and His Cast of Idiots, Zamfir, Boxcar Willie, El Chombo, Ratt, Bay City Rollers, Daler Mehndi, Bread, David Hasselhoff, Milli Vanilli, Steklovata, Creed and Ashlee Simpson.

“bin Laden was truly evil,” said a government official, “we discovered an extensive collection of Marcel Marceau albums, including the rare title ‘Writer’s Block’ that in my opinion is definitely sonically superior to the digitally remastered CD from 2008. That thing sucks, dude–– sucks!” the official shouted as he spat on the ground in disgust.

“Most disturbing of all is an album we found that has various artists like Bobby Goldsboro, Alvin and the Chipmunks and Leif Garrett covering the Disney song ‘It’s A Small World After All.’ It’s hard to imagine how anyone could be that hateful to own such an evil thing. This guy was obviously even worse than we feared” The official shook his head in disgust and waited patiently for time to pass.

It did.

Slowly.