“I pay my franchise fees, and I get bupkis is return,” said an unnamed al Queda operative. “I am very disappointed there is not a better succession plan in place. How am I supposed to keep my staff motivated if corporate is in such disarray? It’s a tragic situation.”
Across the globe, other al Quedaes express similar frustrations. “Osama bin Ladin was a great leader,” said a franchisee in a popular unnamed location. “He’d send us motivational videos and memos all the time. Even motivational posters with a picture of a cute kitten with its paws hanging from a rope and the words ‘Hang in there, baby!’ Very inspiring stuff. And now? Now I can’t even get a sign saying ‘Employees must wash hands before returning to their dastardly douchebag behavior.’ I mean, come on, how hard difficult is it to deliver on that?!”
What many franchisees find most disappointing is the lack of creativity from corporate al Queda. “We just got our spring packet or terrorist promotional ideas. It was lame-o. More ideas like underwear bombs, prank phone calls, and bags of poop lit on fire and left at the front door of the White House after the doorbell is rung– it’s just nothing too inspired.”
While many have speculated things will be better once rumored #2 Ayman al-Zawahiri is elevated to replace bin Laden, some franchisees aren’t so sure. “Nice guy,” said one disgruntled franchisee, “evil as the day is long, but has the charisma of a sun-baked stone. Osama, he ain’t!”
Some al Queda franchisees say if they do not seem improvements soon, they may get out of the organization altogether. “Look,” said one unnamed member, “I could get better returns with a Smoothie King or Subway franchise. Corporate needs to get in the game or it’s going to lose some good people.”
12 responses to “al Queda Franchisees Furious at Lack of Leadership”
hahahahahahahahaha
LOL hahahahahahahahaha, or just internal hahahahahahahahaha?
The curious want to know.
This is you at your best. I actually giggled when I read this, but hahahahaha is easier to type than gigglegigglegiggle. You’re one of my favorite writers (and I know a lot of good ones).
I am blushing. blushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblushblush
What a bunch of whiners!
I mean, if you’re a franchisee of a large organization, you’ve got to expect a bump or two when the founder of the organization no longer walks on the face of this planet. And you also have to trust that it won’t take long for the organization to find its way.
When Ray Kroc, founder of McDonald’s, died, for example, they found Ronald and that seems to be working out just fine.
Similarly, when Col. Sanders could no longer speak for excellence of Kentucky Fried Chicken, the organization shortened its name to KFC and turned the colonel into a cartoon character.
Others, of course, have stumbled.
There was never an official Burger King, or at least not a sovereign known and respected by all, so the Burger King who appears in the organization’s advertising is undoubtedly an impostor, which is probably why he wasn’t invited to the recent Royal wedding in England.
The other calamitous franchise failure is a textbook example of the dangers of putting all your eggs in one basket when it comes to making a living, breathing person the center of an organization.
With Dave Thomas, its founder, Wendy’s was an organization with vigor. Without him, it’s just a joint that peddles square burgers. Not even the appearance of Wendy, Dave’s daughter, in Wendy’s advertising and promotions has made a difference. He was sincere, or at least seemingly so. While she comes off as a shill.
You want another example about the problems of franchising? How about Christianity? It started about 2,000 years ago, give or take a year or two. One man, a Jew, said he was the son of God, a claim 12 people believed. They wrote stories. They and others spread the word. At the moment, there are about 2.2 billion people on earth who say that they’re followers of various Christian faiths.
You know something? None of it matters. According to Harold Camping and his band of followers, the Rapture will occur this Saturday, May 21, 2011. True believers will be whisked to heaven. The rest of us will find ourselves in hell on earth or hell itself.
If we’re still here on Sunday, we can continue this discussion.
(FYI: An Egyptian by the name of Saif al-Adel has been appointed acting head of al-Queda. If the Rapture is real, he and other members of al-Queda don’t have a chance.)
gigglegigglegiggle is good, though not as good as guffawguffawguffaw or snortsnortsnort with milk coming out of a reader’s nose.
Thanks, Curvin, for your learned background on franchising and our fate being dealt shortly. Some will rise to heaven, the rest of us will be on a slow Greyhound to hell– how’s that for redundancy?
As for me, I’m maxing out the credit cards, just in case.
Don’t worry about your credit cards. Spend, spend, spend! Newt Gingrich did. With a net worth somewhere between $1M to $2.5M, he ran up $250K to $500K in charges at Tiffany & Co. Just the kind of guy you’d want watching the nation’s treasury as the country goes through tough economic times. Miss Kitty would slap his hands in a NY minute!
Newt is acne on the face of humanity.
I thought he was the pimple on the fat ass of humanity.
Hmmm, you make an excellent point.
One thing;s for sure, he’s a blight of some sort.
Hmmm, you make an excellent point.
One thing’s for sure, he’s a blight of some sort.