Month: July 2011

  • Citizens to be Issued Disguises

    The political grandstanding in Washington has resulted in a game of chicken with neither side blinking and our foreign creditors looming outside our door twirling their handlebar mustaches and laughing evilly. But citizens, do not think Washington is broken! In a bold and decisive move, both the House and Senate have unanimously approved a bill…

  • Nation Contemplates Internet Scam

    With the United States government facing impending default, politicians have been scrambling for a solution. The latest involves using the internet to hoodwink people into giving needed funds to pay our debtors. In a secret conversation held in Washington, a top ranking official confidentially told The Lint Screen that the deal has gained bipartisan approval…

  • U.S. Takes New Tact In Debt Crisis

    Now that its back is against the wall to its creditors in the ongoing U.S. debt crisis, politicians have been working hard to propose a solution. And they believe they have it. If no political compromise plan can be developed with spending cuts and/or tax enhancements, the United States government will enact “The Mail Strategy.”…

  • America Rejected, Ushers To Mobilize

    The United States of America learned today that it had been rejected for its Discover Card application. A company spokesman said the country “poses too great a risk,” “has a shaky employment history,” and “is probably more of a Capital One-type of customer.” While government officials expressed disappointment at the news, they were thankful for…

  • U.S.A. Applies For Discover Card

    The U.S. Government is about to become deadbeat nation if it defaults on its loans by not raising the debt ceiling by August 2. For months, Washington has been gridlocked in finding a bipartisan solution. Today, one was found: the United States of America has applied for a Discover Card. “When we get the card,”…

  • New Tax Cut Proposal To Solve Financial Woes

    House Representative Willis J. Kinklemist, a Tea Party hardliner from Oklahoma, says his innovative plan will eliminate America’s high unemployment problem while turbo-boosting its anemic economy. “We need to completely cut taxes for individual earning $1,000,000 or more a year, and eliminate all taxes on corporations. We cannot continue penalizing the people who bring jobs…