al-Zawahiri, long recognized as a dastardly mastermind but lacking in the charisma department, is reportedly fed up with leading the organization after almost four months.
“He’s had it,” said an insider close to al-Qaeda operations. “There’s too many meetings, too many PowerPoint presentations, too many forms to fill out and expense reports to sign. He’s toast, so he’s updating his resume and starting to network like crazy. He’s even joined Facebook and LinkedIn– he’s that serious.”
Reportedly the 60-year old leader is also fed up with not getting any respect within the organization. “He always lived in Osama’s shadow,” said a confidant, “and that hurt al-Zawahiri’s ego. He thought that when he took over he’d get some respect, but it hasn’t happened–– dude’s the Rodney Dangerfield of terrorists.”
Apparently al-Zawahiri is also concerned about the recent drone-induced death of the #2 al Queda official, Atiyah Abdul Rahman.
“They’re dropping like flies,” said the unnamed source, “and al-Zawahiri wants to get out while he can. Rumor has it he’ll even shave his face fur for the right opportunity.”
2 responses to “al-Qaeda Leader al-Zawahiri Updating Resume”
He’s 60 years old, right?
So where’s he going to find a job, especially in a worldwide economic slump where there are fewer and fewer good employment opportunities?
No matter how much time he spends updating his resume and networking, it’s going to be hard for him to hide the fact that he’s 60 years old.
What’s he going to say about himself on his resume? That he’s been on the leadership team of a worldwide organization but has never been “the” leader?
All in all, I think he’s going to find that he’s among the world’s hard-core unemployable.
The best he can hope for is work at his local Walmart, maybe stocking shelves or greeting customers.
Alternatively, if he’s currently living in Pakistan and if he has some cash he can invest in a business, he could try opening a “46 Rupee Store,” which would be the equivalent of a “Dollar Store” in the U.S.
Once again, you write with truth and wisdom. I agree, he’s a long shot in the employment race.
He could have a shot at seasonal work as a mall Santa. It’s a short-term gig, but maybe he can make it work.
The “46 Rupee Store” is a huge idea and one I think just about any fool could operate. Cheap stuff, who doesn’t want that?
I suggest you corner the market on 46 Rupee Store franchises. And should al-Zawahiri get one, I’ll bet ol’ gray beard won’t like any of the corporate 46 Rupee Store advertising.
He looks like THAT kind of guy.