Month: November 2011

  • Pickles Claims Paws Defiled Fire Hydrant

    A new political firestorm is sweeping the nation as the campaign for lovable money, Ms. Pickles, accused competing candidate, adorable puppy, Santy Paws, of urinating on a fire hydrant in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. “It is absolutely outrageous that a creature capable of such a disgusting, despicable act is seeking the highest office in the land,” said…

  • Non-Human Debate Ends Tragically

    Last night, Dr. John Doolittle moderated the first ever presidential debate with exclusively non-human candidates, and the broadcast which aired on Animal Planet attracted viewership numbers to rival Dancing With The Stars or American Idol. The debate panel consisted of adorable puppy, Santy Paws, lovable monkey, Ms. Pickles, and colorful character, Carl The Chameleon. Because…

  • Non-Human Candidates To Debate

    Try as they may, Santy Paws, the adorable puppy, Ms. Pickles, the lovable monkey and Carl The Chameleon, the colorful lizard, cannot get the same media attention granted human presidential candidates. And since the humans are having 1,238 televised debates that they are not allowing non-human candidates to compete in, the ‘critter crew’ is creating…

  • Colorful Character Declares Candidacy

    Although Mr. Tuggles exited the presidential race, a new candidate has stepped forward with grand ambitions: Carl The Chameleon. “This is tremendous news for the nation,” said campaign manager, Sandy Oceans in a press conference held in Portland, Oregon this morning. “This 2012 campaign already has a Newt, but now it has a lizard that…

  • Tuggles Pulls Out of Prez Race

    In a startling development, Mr. Tuggles, the cute kitten from Canfield, Ohio, has pulled out of the 2012 U.S. presidential race following recent allegations of “doing bad things, very bad things” to a mysterious cat. Jerry Ossenwold, campaign manager for Mr. Tuggles, issued a prepared statement at the press conference held this afternoon in Walpole,…

  • Tuggles Accused of Hanky Panky

    The presidential campaign for cute kitten candidate, Mr. Tuggles, was rocked today when a mysterious female cat came forward and claimed that the precious prez-would-be feline “did bad, bad things” during a relationship with her. The whistleblower cat would not detail specifics of what exactly Mr. Tuggles did, but she said, “they were definitely bad…