Dan Gruthers, the campaign manager for Ms. Pickles, said that obviously humans were afraid on the new presidential candidates. “If we keep sending humans to The White House, we’re going to keep getting the same results. It’s time we shook things up. I can promise America all kinds of memorable hijinks if the electorate sends Ms. Pickles to the oval office. Why, just imagine the kooky mayhem of having a monkey in the most powerful seat in the land!” said Gruthers doubling over with laughter.
Sam Merchant, campaign manager for Santy Paws promised a debate with lots of fireworks. “Santy make look cute, but you’re going to see a vicious killer. The leader America needs in these dangerous times where we could all go up in a mushroom cloud at any moment.”
Sandy Oceans, campaign manager for Carl The Chameleon is confident his candidate will do well in the upcoming debate. “My guy is nothing if not adaptable.”
The Lint Screen will report from the debate because it’s just that kind of a dedicated news organization.
4 responses to “Non-Human Candidates To Debate”
Three candidates seems like it may be five too few. And who’s moderating the debate?
Three is the official number of non-human candidates now that Mr. Tuggles has dropped out and single celled organism decided not to run (I think he could have posted Chris Christie-kind of numbers had he entered the race). Rumor has it that Newt was invited as he is very close to non-human in his actions and compassion, but that is just a rumor.
As for the moderator, apparently it will be a guy named Dr. Doolittle, a man “who can talk to the animals” and thus there will be no need for translators.
It should be a crackerjack of a good time.
Dr. Doolittle? Superb choice!
Apparently Dr. Doolittle looks even better in a black tee shirt than Anderson Cooper.
We’ll see.