Pickles Demands Paws End His War on Christmas


Is Santy Paws waging war on Christmas? Ms. Pickles thinks so!
The juggernaut presidential campaign for lovable monkey, Ms. Pickles, is Planet of The Apes-angry at opposing candidate, adorable puppy, Santy Paws.

Dan Gruthers, campaign manager for Ms. Pickles, said today that Santy Paws was leading the “Satanic evil war on Christmas.”

“Frankly, we believe all Americans should be outraged by this brazen attack by an atheistic canine,” Mr. Gruthers told reporters. “Heck, we just reaffirmed ‘In God We Trust’ as our nation’s official slogan. If Santy Paws is elected, he may try to change that and we’d all need new folding money!”

Mr. Gruthers contends that Santy Paws is named after “an obese guy who hung around little kids, which is pretty darn creepy” and “he would break into their homes late at night.” Gruthers believes that “if the miserable mutt loved Christmas, it would have been named ‘Christmas Joy’ or something else to celebrate the birth of our Lord.”

The campaign manager was visibly distraught. “I don’t know how we can allow this ravenous, God-hating cur to rob of us our most treasured holiday. I hope the voters do the right thing and smack him on the nose come voting day!”


6 responses to “Pickles Demands Paws End His War on Christmas”

  1. I want to see these two candidates duke it out with Donald Trump moderating the event. To both, I’d suggest going for The Donald’s hair.

  2. Good strategy, the hair ploy.

    If they did meet in a debate with The Donald, I’m sure it would be huge– probably the most awesome event in the history of the world. An incredible thing!

    Enormous. Monumental. Epic.

    Bank on it.

  3. Yesterday, I was poised to make a remarkable contribution to the above subject when a small box was placed on my desk. Inside was a gift from an ad agency, and my first ever chance to use a 3-D side-cranked slide viewer featuring humorous holiday scenes. I watched the show for three straight hours, and now I can’t remember a darn thing. Not only can’t I remember my remarkable posting, but I can’t recall my debit card pin number, my wife’s birthday, my Facebook password, or my cell phone number. I’m taking the rest of the week off. What day is this, anyway?

  4. Thanks, Bill, glad you enjoyed the show.

    Please watch it again and forward all your bank account numbers along with PINs. The holidays are all about giving, after all.

  5. I have Bill’s bank account information and PIN numbers. I’ll forward them just as soon as I finish my holiday shopping.

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