The journalistic community of Earth is crestfallen by the indifference of children worldwide. The news goon squad was expecting a dramatic narrative of crying kiddies and despondent youth saddened by Santa Claus being sequestered in an Louisiana jail cell on a stalking/sexual deviancy rap, where he’ll be until well after December 25th. But, the world’s youth could seem to care less about the news.

“Whatevs,” said a 7-year old boy in Mapleton, New Jersey, “I’ll still get all the stuff I want, even if my old man has to buy it.”

An 11-year boy in Lima, Peru said “That old dude always kinda creeped me out anyway. It’s really no biggie he’s not coming. I got Blacks Ops II on order. It’s all cool.”

A 5-year old girl in Nagoya, Japan said “I’ll just get my toys sent directly to me from China.”

An 8-year old girl in Perth, Australia said, “I always thought it was freaky that some old guy would want youngblood to sit on his lap. I’m not going to miss that tradition–– not at all.”