Month: July 2013

  • On Casting Perfect Actors

    Alfred Hitchcock once described actors as cattle, which explains why he was arrested for cannibalism so often. There is an art to casting the perfect actor for your commercial or project. I want to show you the kind of detailed casting specs I give when I’m looking to fill roles. Samuel Dunkirker, The Doctor: He…

  • “Snowden Must Go!” Says Russian Shop Owner

    National Security Agency leaker Edward Snowden is a man without a country, and a man without many fans at the Moscow Airport he has been holed-up in for weeks now. “The guy’s a bum,” said Aleksey Tangomir who operates a newsstand at the airport. “Every day he comes by here stinking like a dead sewer…

  • Teddy Roosevelt’s Bucket List Discovered

    Tom Westsforshire, the world’s foremost authority on Theodore “T.R.” Roosevelt, recently discovered the ‘bucket list’ of the 26th President of the U.S. “Of course, back then there was no such term as ‘bucket list.’ TR called his list ‘Stuff To Do Before Dirt Napping’– same dif.” Westsforshire gave The Lint Screen this exclusive sneak peak…

  • Mourn The Rainbow

    Trayvon Martin is still dead. He was a 17-year old African-American male guilty of buying Skittles at a convenience store and walking home. He was pursued by a 29-year old cop wannabe named George Zimmerman, even after the citizen vigilante had phoned in his report of Martin’s alleged suspicious behavior to the real police and…

  • Leave The Lone Ranger Alone

    Yes, I subjected myself to The Lone Ranger. Why? I didn’t think it could be as bad as it is. Stupid me. Weighing in at two-and-a-half hours and a $250 million cost, it’s a mess of a movie. This outing, Johnny Depp gets to dress up like an Indian (he’s done vampire, pirate, Willie Wonka,…

  • Cute Cat Kills Cute Girl

    The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “There is only so much cuteness in this world to go around.” And, brother, maybe he was right! This morning, a cute kitty named “Cuddles” ripped the face off its owner, a precocious and cute little girl named Sally Jeffers in Roanoke, Virginia. As a result of the…