Tom Westsforshire, the world’s foremost authority on Theodore “T.R.” Roosevelt, recently discovered the ‘bucket list’ of the 26th President of the U.S.

“Of course, back then there was no such term as ‘bucket list.’ TR called his list ‘Stuff To Do Before Dirt Napping’– same dif.”

Westsforshire gave The Lint Screen this exclusive sneak peak of the list.

1. Shave my stupid ‘stache and grow some epic mutton chops w/ soul patch
2. Carry big stick
3. Learn tap then learn how to ride a horse– teach it tap, too!
4. Give cuz Franklin D. a noogie to end all noogies
5. Visit Utica, New York, get a sauerkraut foot long
6. Get mug done on side of mountain
7. Ditch the glasses, get Lazik– swing!
8. Wear lacy dresses and accessorize accordingly
9. Get a stuffed animal named after me– Theodore Caniform?