Archive for October, 2013

Ames Scullin O’Haire continues its series on life in a post merger mega agency network world with a trailer and the third installment of the saga.

Enjoy, tricksters.

Here’s the trailer:

Here’s the film:

The ink on this horsehide makes it worth millions.

The ink on this horsehide makes it worth millions.

With the World Series underway, The Lint Screen is happy to continue its coverage of the world’s most valuable baseball, a story we broke back in the spring of 2010 (Part #1) (Part #2).

This ball was secured for an undisclosed sum on the internet and features autographs of some of the most impressive people in history. Let’s continue a look at the incredible baseball backstories of some of the signers.

Stevie Wonder played in a 1969 game for the Houston Astros against the Los Angeles Dodgers. Although the famous singer is sightless, he was used as a pinch hitter. The first pitch was a fastball on the outside right corner of the plate that the umpire called a strike. “What are you, blind?” Wonder said with a smile. The next pitch was a curve ball that hung over the plate. Wonder smacked a 500-foot shot over the right center field fence and trotted around the bases to deafening applause. He never played again, except for music. He played lots of music.

One of the most valuable signatures is that of Jonas Salk, the medical researcher who discovered the first polio vaccine. Salk was an enthusiastic Mets fan and was given the opportunity to pitch a game against the St. Louis Cardinals on July, 17, 1966. Salk walked the first 24 batters and was pulled. The distinguished doc was booed by angry fans. The guy sucked.

Janis Joplin had one trip to the plate for the Milwaukee Brewers in a game against the Yankees on May 28, 1970. She was hit by the first pitch, took her base, stole second, advanced to third on a error by the right fielder and scored on a sacrifice fly. “This is a day I’ll never forget,” the famous singer told reporters after the game. “What is it, like Tuesday or something?”

The Boston Red Sox used Desmond Tutu as a designated hitter on August 14, 1989 in a game against the Baltimore Orioles. Tutu struck out twice, was thrown out following a bunt and floated a single into left field. “I may be the best player ever,” he said following the game. “I rock royally, bitches!”

The 80’s pop sensation Wham! played on the Seattle Mariners in a game against the Texas Rangers on September 3, 1984. George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley shared a uniform and pinch hit rocking a grand slam homer over the centerfield fence. The Mariners tried to sign the duo to a multi-year deal but the pop stars declined. “Rockers get more chicks than ball players,” George Michael said.

Other notables who signed the is baseball were legendary center fielder and astronomer Copernicus (a surprisingly good infielder), Cher’s first husband and golden-gloved Irish rocker Bono (who had a pea shooter for an arm), and epic base stealer, director Alfred Hitchcock.

If you’d like to make a bid on this baseball, make an offer.

Ron Howard delivers the goods in Rush

Ron Howard delivers the goods in Rush

Rush is one of the best movies of the year with one of the worst titles.

No, it doesn’t have Tom Hanks-type big stars in the leading roles (Daniel Brühl and Chris Hemsworth aren’t exactly box office draws), but damn if this isn’t one fine film.

Directed by Ron Howard (you may know him better as Opie Taylor or Richie Cunningham), Rush is the true story of the 1970’s Formula 1 rivalry between James Hunt and Niki Lauda. Hunt (Hemsworth) is the dashing playboy British driver and Lauda (Brühl) is the austere Austrian obsessed with engineering and winning. The story, acting and filmmaking are superb.

Get in your car and drive like hell to the theatre and see this movie. It’s not getting its due at the box office and will be slipping off big screens soon.

Go fast, go big, go now.

The Obamacare server is having some technical difficulties.

The Obamacare server is having some technical difficulties.

Now that the budget battle and political bickering is over, Americans interested in enrolling in the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) have been frustrated by little technical glitches, like the website not working. The Obama administration has jumped on fixing the system.

“It’s kind of embarrassing,” said an anonymous White House insider. “We’ve been telling people that government can do great things like make healthcare affordable for all Americans, but then the government can’t build a website. Meanwhile, Amazon knows if you’re even thinking about buying something and gives you fourteen suggestions.”

So far, investigators are flummoxed as to what is causing the technical difficulties. “We’ve been consulting with the technical expert heading up website operations, a tech wiz named T. Ed Cruz, but so far he’s been unable to find the problem. He said it could be a simple fix like a Microsoft upgrade. He’s looking into buying one on Amazon.”

Oh, Clint and Chrysler, make us believe.

Oh, Clint and Chrysler, make us believe.

When Chrysler’s “Halftime in America” spot aired in the first halftime commercial break of XLVI Super Bowl on February 5, 2012, it became an instant classic. Wieden+Kennedy’s two-minute tone poem intoned by Clint Eastwood (Mr. Tough American himself) struck a nerve.

Over beautiful cinematography, Clint spoke of resigned hope and optimism for Detroit and the American car industry. Like the genius Hal Riney spots that launched the Saturn auto brand, this spot resonated because it was honest, confessed past sins, then asked absolution and forgiveness in setting a new path forward to making better American cars (“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned…”).

Terrific, powerful stuff. If only it were true. Saturn started with great expectations, then morphed into a generic GM brand and drifted into oblivion. Which leaves us with Chrysler and its promise.

I was recently involved in a car accident and had to get a rental while my car was in the shop. I was put in a Chrysler 200. I think if I put Clint Eastwood in one, he’d give it a short drive, park and fire a full load from his .44 Magnum Smith & Wesson into it.

The engineers had to work hard designing a car this uncomfortable (did Marquis de Sade design the seats?). This vehicle could be used for enhanced interrogations Gitmo.

Fortunately, the car had ants and that gave me a reason to return it for a Toyota Corolla, a small car that’s so far superior to the Chrysler, it’s depressing.

Everything about the Toyota is better than the Chrysler: the ride, comfort, ergonomics, sound system, mileage, fit and finish– you name it. Which sucks.

It sucks because I wanted to believe Clint Eastwood’s halftime speech about a rededication to building great cars. It sucks because I’m a proud American and would love to buy American if given a compelling choice. It sucks because an adman like myself wants to believe in great advertising and has his heart broken when beautiful work proves to be empty promises and wishful thinking.

Ford’s have gotten better, Chevy’s, too, but check out the competition, Detroit– it’s superior to what you’re making. Car reviews prove it, consumer stats confirm it.

Halftime is over, Chrysler. If you’re going to kick some ass, you’re going to have to have a better game plan, and I believe all Americans would cheer for you to come up with one.

We’ve been waiting far too long. Let’s go, team!

An elderly Ohio couple fears for their lives

An elderly Ohio couple on the lam fears for their lives

To their eight grandchildren, Ester and Roland Oylingter of Wooster, Ohio are known as “Nanna” and “Pa-Pop”, but the grandkiddies haven’t seen the elderly couple since Sunday. Why? Obamacare.

With the Affordable Care Act, AKA “Obamacare”, going into effect on Monday, October 1, the couple fled their home on Sunday and are traveling anonymously across the country.

“We’d been watching Fox news for years, and we knew that Obamacare was going to fund death squads to kill grandparents like us,” said Roland in an exclusive telephone interview (from an undisclosed location).

“We’re not idiots,” added his wife shouting in the background. “We’re not about to sit around and wait to be killed! No siree, bob!”

Mr. Oylingter said the couple are worried about more than just their own impending death. “Obamacare is going to ruin our country. It’s going to bust our economy and our grandchildren will be sold into slavery to pay off our debt to our Chinese overlords. It’s also going to cause millions of people to die needlessly because government doctors will be poisoning people to keep rates low so we can open our borders for illegal aliens and insure them. I think Obamacare even covers al Qaeda terrorists. It’s also going to cause earthquakes and hurricanes, then Satan will be coming here his ownself to get some insurance and then turn our big green planet into a blazing inferno of hellfire and liberalism. How do I Know all this? Because I watch Fox. I ain’t no dummy.”