The White House has faced extreme media scrutiny and criticism over the failings of the Obamacare website launched last month. Today it held an official press conference to address these concerns.

Spokesman Jay Carney took to the podium with a prepared statement and fielded a barrage of questions from the press corps. Here the some highlights:
+ “Six people registered on the Obamacare website on the first day, which was incredible news. That’s six people more than registered on the previous day. It’s also an amazing accomplishment when you consider the quality of television programming these days.”
+ “Website problems are to be expected. When FDR launched Social Security, I’m sure he had lots of web hiccups. I’m no historian, but I’ll bet FDR Tweeted a lot about his frustrations launching the Social Security site. Tech problems are just part of the game.”
+ “We have been consulting with a guy named Chuck from Geek Squad about fixing the website. We’re pretty confident we’ll be getting the Obamacare website up to snuff soon.”
+ “On the good news front, we’ve developed cutting edge technology that’ll allow us to send out 412 emails a day soliciting funds to support the President.”