Sat 25 Jan 2014
Pop sensation Justin Bieber claims “fowl play” as the cause of his recent arrest for drunk driving, resisting arrest, driving without a valid license and felonious assault of boyish cuteness.
Bieber, 19, was released on $2,500 bond and told The Lint Screen that he was “set up like a bowling pin by irate chickens.” JB claims the chicken were upset that Bieber had egged a neighbors house in the recent past and that “the chickens were kind of close to the eggs I used so they wanted revenge.”
The pop star said that the chickens slipped moonshine liquor into his evening milk and then asked him for a ride downtown. Bieber said he liked being kind to animals and agreed to drive the chickens. He got into the car, drove, and soon after was busted. Police reports make no mention of chickens in the car or traces of feathers.
Nonetheless, Bieber stands by his story. “Chickens did this to me. I’m innocent. Innocent and absolutely adorable,” he said combing his hair and pouting into a wall mirror.