Archive for January, 2014

The Biebster taken down, but still stylin'!

The Biebster taken down, but still stylin’!


Pop sensation Justin Bieber claims “fowl play” as the cause of his recent arrest for drunk driving, resisting arrest, driving without a valid license and felonious assault of boyish cuteness.

Bieber, 19, was released on $2,500 bond and told The Lint Screen that he was “set up like a bowling pin by irate chickens.” JB claims the chicken were upset that Bieber had egged a neighbors house in the recent past and that “the chickens were kind of close to the eggs I used so they wanted revenge.”

The pop star said that the chickens slipped moonshine liquor into his evening milk and then asked him for a ride downtown. Bieber said he liked being kind to animals and agreed to drive the chickens. He got into the car, drove, and soon after was busted. Police reports make no mention of chickens in the car or traces of feathers.

Nonetheless, Bieber stands by his story. “Chickens did this to me. I’m innocent. Innocent and absolutely adorable,” he said combing his hair and pouting into a wall mirror.

He's scary good.

He’s scary good.

Matthew McConaughey used to be cast as eye candy, a guy who’d remove his shirt and let his chest do the talking. Now, he may be the most interesting actor working the screens.

In recent years, McConaughey has built an incredible body of work by selecting interesting roles of complex characters. From The Lincoln Lawyer, to Killer Joe, to Mud, to Dallas Buyers Club to HBO’s True Detective, he has portrayed disturbed characters with pasts that make living in the present a challenge and facing the future a chore.

He acts completely with face, eyes, body posture and voice–– a rich baritone stewed in bourbon, cigarettes, Texas heat and filtered through regrets, lost bets and tortured existence. He makes every line he speaks a self-contained story, and milks the silences as he contemplates and reveals glimpses of a wounded soul.

Matthew McConaughey has become the real deal, an actor worth watching no matter what role he’s assuming because we know he will plumb depths of the human condition to explore and expose what it means to live.

Matthew McConaughey may be the American Daniel Day Lewis.

Inspecting internet traffic at The Lint Screen offices.

Inspecting internet traffic at The Lint Screen offices.

Cyberbots, the NSA or evil no goodniks have apparently been attacking this website. I say apparently because I don’t really know, but some web security guard called recently from cyberspace (or San Francisco) and said he’d monitored an infection on The Lint Screen and offered his services to make the problem go away (in return for a sack of cash).

He said it looked like some hacker placed malware on select TLS pages that may cause a Viagra ad to pop-up. Boner ads popping up? What next–– a call from the ironic pun police?

I haven’t seen any problems, except for the usual deluge of spammers (comments like “I surprised with the research you made to create this actual post incredible. Fantastic activity!” and “es möglicherweise ein Tiffany & Co e verdammte notwendigkeit Pandora Schmuck” and “扥⁴桥籩猠浯獴楫敬礠瑨敼灥牨慰猠扥⁴桥籣潵 football clubs manchester united iphone 5s case 汤⁰潳獩扬礠扥” show an appreciation of our in-depth journalism and high artistic standards–– it’s enough to make an editor get all rainy-eyed. But as for the site itself, well, everything seems to working fine under the hood. The content seems contented.

Are you experiencing any difficulty collecting Lint?

Please let me know if you are. The security call could be a scam, or, in the future this site could be your portal to amazing discounts on all your erectile dysfunction medications.

For now, I’m standing pat. Thanks for your vigilance in life during wartime.