Archive for June, 2014

The seeds of democracy may soon be spread in Iraq!

The seeds of democracy may soon be spread in Iraq!

With crisis raging through Iraq after over a decade of military intervention, a trillion dollars spent and the loss of priceless American lives, it appears “the seeds of democracy” have not taken root. But that’s about to change.

Monsanto, the multinational agrochemical and agricultural biotechnology corporation, has announced it has developed “genetically modified seeds of democracy that will flourish in even the harshest of political conditions. Sand, dirt, rock or even harder substances–– like the skulls of religious zealots. It really doesn’t matter, these seeds will grow anywhere!”

The miracle seeds will be sold to the U.S. Government “For such a deal, maybe two to three hundred bucks less than a trillion dollar war,” said a sales/marketing representative for Monsanto. An attorney quickly jumped in. “And once these seeds are planted, we own wherever democracy grows,” the legal beagle barked. “In fact, we’ll own any damn place that democracy has already taken root. That’s the Monsanto way!”

Washington in abuzz with political chatter about “the magic seeds of democracy” and is expecting to soon be slathered in a flood of lobbyist funds to “help better inform” their decisions.

The prospects for government purchase of Monsanto’s new seeds is looking strong.

Critics slam post and obviously need good conditioner

Critics slam post and obviously need good conditioner

This is the 500th post captured on The Lint Screen, the world’s premiere website for tom foolery and the occasional dollop of wisdom under a title associated with the name of a laundry-related object. And the reviews of this post are already less than stellar.

“I thought it’d be a hell of a lot better,” writes opusmango354.
“It’s suck on a stick,” slammed myworldsbetterthanyours92.
“Reminds me of the finale of ‘Lost’–– a heaping helping of disappointment,” posted ragamuffinhead3. “And the dude who played Hugo in ‘Lost’ sucked!”

Still, the editorial staff of The Lint Screen stands by its decision to post its 500th missive. “For almost six years, we’ve been grinding these dispatches out. We’ve learned there’s always going to be haters out there,” said one editor as he dove under his desk dodging a volley of bullets from a car driving by. “We’re going to keep trying to please the people because, well, we’re people pleaser people.”

“How lame,” commented mesospecial909. “I hope the 501st post is a lot better than this one.”

Got to give it some lovin'.

Got to give it some lovin’.

Advertising is supposed to be a creative business, yet most creative people hunting for a job take an unimaginative approach. They don’t create good ads for themselves.

I recently came across some of the work I used early in my career and share it now for your enlightenment or amusement. There was a simple reason I did these creative letters of recommendation–– my advertising work was bad. When I opened my portfolio, the work sucked so much it created a vacuum.

But my letters got attention and usually led to interviews where I often heard the same comment: “Why isn’t your work as good as your letters?” Good question. It would take me awhile to find the ability to express myself in ads.

Years ago, I wrote about my Ed McMahon letter of recommendation.
Here’s that letter in all its PDF glory: Ed McMahon:Scullin

Ed wasn’t the only guy singing my praises. I also enlisted legendary adgod, Jay Chiat. Here’s what he had to say: Jay Chiat:Scullin

And, finally, a couple of brothers with a pollywog & stilts store: Turley Bros:Scullin

All of these self-pimps under the pen of others was my way to show what my work did not–– that I was creative. Stupid? Yes.
Childish? Certainly.
Effective? Absolutely.

These letters got noticed, remarked on, and led to interviews. Eventually, I even proved myself somewhat worthy.

So, prospective creative job hunter, how could you pimp yourself more creatively? Do so, because you can’t get any less hired and you may find your dream job.

Cup of disappointment leads to loss of prestigious title for Teddy Willspeed

Cup of disappointment leads to loss of prestigious title for hothead father

Teddy Willspeed was expecting to enjoy a great Father’s Day with his family yesterday. Instead, “The World’s Greatest Dad” revealed himself to be a Class-A Jerk when his son Brian, age 13, served him a lukewarm cup of coffee with his breakfast.

“I took a sip of the coffee and told Brian that it was a little cool,” said Papa Willspeed, “and Brian grabbed the mug from me and flung it against the wall. The mug shattered and the coffee made a mess. Then my son exploded at me.

‘Really, Dad–– seriously, the coffee’s not hot enough for you?! Unbelievable,’ Brian said. He stormed out of the room, turned around and threw his iPhone at me. I ducked just before it hit me in the head. I guess I did overreact a little,” the senior Willspeed confessed.

Following ‘the coffee incident’, son Brian called the headquarters of “World’s Greatest Dad” Inc. and had his father’s title revoked.

“I’m thinking of suing the old man,” an irate Brian told reporters. “I really think I may have some psychological damage from his abuse.”

After his press conference, Gurgglemin burst into flames

During his climate change press conference, Gurgglemin burst into flames

Rep. Tim Gurgglemin (R-Oklahoma) held a press conference today where he lambasted “Shrill-voiced alarmists squawking about climate change.”

The congressman said, “Those people who are voicing concerns about carbon emissions and melting glaciers are like evil parents telling their kids that there’s monsters under the bed and raging maniacs with long, sharp knives hiding in the bedroom closet. These people aren’t helping anything. Heck, I think all their hot air and heated rhetoric is what’s causing global warming–– if there even is such a thing.”

As the congressman shuffled the pages of his speech, his body ignited and he was engulfed in flames. He ran off the stage screaming, “No questions, please. Keep cool. Vote Gurgglemin!”