Rep. Tim Gurgglemin (R-Oklahoma) held a press conference today where he lambasted “Shrill-voiced alarmists squawking about climate change.”

The congressman said, “Those people who are voicing concerns about carbon emissions and melting glaciers are like evil parents telling their kids that there’s monsters under the bed and raging maniacs with long, sharp knives hiding in the bedroom closet. These people aren’t helping anything. Heck, I think all their hot air and heated rhetoric is what’s causing global warming–– if there even is such a thing.”

As the congressman shuffled the pages of his speech, his body ignited and he was engulfed in flames. He ran off the stage screaming, “No questions, please. Keep cool. Vote Gurgglemin!”