With crisis raging through Iraq after over a decade of military intervention, a trillion dollars spent and the loss of priceless American lives, it appears “the seeds of democracy” have not taken root. But that’s about to change.

Monsanto, the multinational agrochemical and agricultural biotechnology corporation, has announced it has developed “genetically modified seeds of democracy that will flourish in even the harshest of political conditions. Sand, dirt, rock or even harder substances–– like the skulls of religious zealots. It really doesn’t matter, these seeds will grow anywhere!”

The miracle seeds will be sold to the U.S. Government “For such a deal, maybe two to three hundred bucks less than a trillion dollar war,” said a sales/marketing representative for Monsanto. An attorney quickly jumped in. “And once these seeds are planted, we own wherever democracy grows,” the legal beagle barked. “In fact, we’ll own any damn place that democracy has already taken root. That’s the Monsanto way!”

Washington in abuzz with political chatter about “the magic seeds of democracy” and is expecting to soon be slathered in a flood of lobbyist funds to “help better inform” their decisions.

The prospects for government purchase of Monsanto’s new seeds is looking strong.