Thu 27 Nov 2014
As he enters the last quarter of what some opponents call his “reign of terror”, President Barack Obama now draws intense criticism for his pardoning of two 48-pound turkeys from Ohio named Mac and Cheese.
Although the presidential pardoning of turkeys is a tradition dating back to George H.W. Bush in 1989, Rep. Willie Gromorp of South Carolina says that “this President is weak on poultry and that sends an embarrassing message to the world.” The congressman then bit the head off of a chicken and continued his rant.
“Obama’s turning his presidency into a freak show. He’s an amazingly weak President who pardons not one, but two, lazy shiftless turkeys who deserve to die, be stuffed and eaten with gravy and extreme prejudice. That’s what our forefathers would have done, but not Obama. He’s too busy shredding the constitution stuffing it down our throats and appeasing our enemies!”
The congressman pointed out that even the President’s daughters seem embarrassed by his weakness. “Sasha and Melia are obviously hungry for a strong pa who can get them some tasty turkey on Thanksgiving!”
The congressman then bit the head off another chicken and announced that he was forming an exploratory committee to investigate a possible presidential run in 2016.