Month: February 2015

  • Man Not Satisfied With “Good Enough”

    Steve “Lippy” Wasinfurg is a very hard man to please. The assistant manager of a Target store in Gladstone, Virginia recently spoke to The Lint Screen about his views on life. “Good enough isn’t good enough,” the 38-year old divorced father of four said as he lighted a Marlboro Light and spat on the ground,…

  • Bill Proposed To Arm Prisoners

    Alabama Congressman Hank Tippsmon has introduced “The Behind Bars Protection Act”, a bill designed to curtail violence among the over 2.5 million people incarcerated in America. The revolutionary law is simple in its execution–– every prisoner would be issued a firearm and ammunition for self protection purposes. “Crime is a real problem in America,” explained…

  • Anguished Woman Lied To Her 893 FB Friends

    Pam Dockwinker is being shunned by humanity following her confession that she recently issued a “Like” on Facebook when it wasn’t true. “I don’t know what I was thinking,” the distraught 22-year old resident of Madison, Wisconsin said. “I have got to be like the worst human being ever.” Yesterday Ms. Dockwinker saw a picture…

  • The Missing McConaughey Super Bowl Scripts

    This is a scoop so big, it’d bankrupt Baskin Robbins. The Lint Screen has acquired three scripts of TV spots produced by The Lincoln Motor Company using Matthew McConaughey that were supposed to have aired in last Sunday’s Super Bowl Game. The spots were pulled at the last minute due to a prank done by…