Thu 26 Feb 2015
Steve “Lippy” Wasinfurg is a very hard man to please. The assistant manager of a Target store in Gladstone, Virginia recently spoke to The Lint Screen about his views on life.
“Good enough isn’t good enough,” the 38-year old divorced father of four said as he lighted a Marlboro Light and spat on the ground, then scratched his left thigh and rolled his eyes. “I mean, if you come to play, you better play to win, and you want to win, you better be willing to give a hundred and ten percent, because a hundred percent ain’t going to cut it these days. Truth is, you give a hundred percent and some one else gives a hundred and one percent, guess what? You lose. That’s a fact, do the math!”
The retail maven flicked his cigarette at this reporter and shouted, “You think I’m lying here? Do you?! Well, do you?!”
“No,” this frightened reporter responded.
“You better not, because if I’m lying I’m dying.” The retail maven relaxed, stepped forward and spat in this reporter’s face. He then lit another cigarette and continued pontificating.
“Trouble with the world today is people don’t have the eye of the tiger. And let me tell you, you don’t have the eye of the tiger and keep that eye on the ball, well, you take yourself out of the game. You might as well quit and hit the showers. Call it a day because winners never quit and quitters never win. That’s all I’m saying. Are you listening to me–– well, are you scumbag?” the red-faced man said shoving this reporter hard in the chest and knocking him to the ground where he tumbled like a rag doll in a clothes dryer.
“Yes, I’m listening,” the frightened reporter meowed with the taste of his own blood on his lips.
“You damn well better,” the agitated man in a shirt and tie said as he kicked dirt into this scribe’s face. Rivers of tears absorbed the dirty dirt making face mud.
“Yes, sir, I will. I promise.”
“You better,” said Steve “Lippy” Wasinfurg. “You don’t even want to see me get upset.”
This reporter scrambled to his feet and darted to his car, driving off to get back to the office to dispatch this important report.