The Lint Screen has spent years doing an exhaustive study into the phenomenon of green beer that magically appears every St. Patrick’s Day, and we’ve discovered that it’s a ruse–– a cruel hoax perpetrated on the drinking public by profit-thirsty brewers.

“Beer makers just add a bunch of algae to the beer,” reported our deep-throated insider informer whistle blower dude. “The color is natural, but it’s not like the magical transformation that people believe.”

Most green beer drinkers believe the attractive green color comes from God’s love of the Irish, that in their honor, He performs the miracle of changing yellow to green every St. Patrick’s Day. Not so!

“I only wish ’twas true,” said a distraught Sean Driscoll O’Toole before he was struck with a bolt of lightning on his barstool and his burnt remains were eaten by a pack of coyotes that were then run over by a semi truck filled with barbells.

Luck of the Irish, indeed.