No new  taxes mean you'll be seeing a lot more of him.

No new taxes mean you’ll be seeing a lot more of him.

Americans greet the prospect of raising taxes as if it were a bubonic plague-HIV-leprosy-cancer cocktail. A fate worse than death itself.

But if local governments can’t get money through taxes, they’ll get their dough a different way–– through badge-wearing-revenue-generators. Those flashing cherry tops are like cash registers ringing for the locals, and if you think you’ve been seeing a lot more speed traps and cop-feeding frenzies, it’s because you have eyes.

This reporter for The Lint Screen got busted yesterday in a small South Carolina town. I turned off an interstate, was on a two-line highway where I saw no speed limit sign, and BAM, had a cop flashing his lights in my rear view mirror. I was speeding, quite a bit according to him (for the record, there were no animals or children in the front grille). He wrote me up and told me I had to appear in court, or, I could pay by mail with a certified check and, if I acted fast, he’d do me a solid and reduce the fine and correlating points. It was like getting busted by a telemarketer. At the golf tournament I was going to (in such a hurry), I met another guy who was popped by the same cop in the same place.

The last speeding ticket I got was in North Carolina. In that case, I hired an attorney by phone who went over to the courthouse and magically got my ticket price and points reduced. All it took was money to pay him his legal fees.

I suppose I could obey your laws and stay out of trouble, but it’s getting to be a police state out there, a natural byproduct of our anti-tax obsession. I believe cash-strapped municipalities put it to the cops simply–– if you don’t generate $XXXXX in fines, we may have to cut your position.

It’s a boon for the insurance industry who will jack premium rates 20-30% for a speeding ticket. It’s a huge business for “billboard attorneys” who advertise themselves as ticket fixers. It’s a big business feeding off the citizenry.

But me, I’d rather just pay a little more in taxes. Going to go play some Bobby Fuller Four now…