Some people have to work to appear “with it.” Others are just “IT!!!”

Take Chet “Two Tongs” Stewpot (his born name: John Brown). This cool cat daddy-o has always been the epitome of hip, on the leading edge of fashion and blazing style trails through the thick forest of conformity. Now he’s considering making an even louder statement!

“Got the glasses and facial hair working, and doing the ironic mole and receding hairline,” Two Tongs told The Lint Screen. “But I’m thinking about kicking it up another notch. Taking it to the nose bleed level. I’m straight up thinking about getting me a hat.”

His friends and neighbors in Hoboken aren’t so sure.

“Personally, I don’t see Two Tongs as a cap guy,” said Ariel Raintree Creston, an ex-girlfriend who works with him at the Vapatorium. “A hat would be like, I don’t know, hiding the top of his head, or something.”

“I think Two Tongs might be able to pull it off,” said Offer Tunblook, a close friend of 16-years. “But any fashion change-up entails a certain degree of risk. It’s like, one day are you going to stepping out in a pair of orange Chucks with blue laces? I don’t know, man. If it were me, I’d do some testing first.”

Two Tongs doesn’t seem too concerned with the concerns others have expressed. “Look, all great inventors rolled the dice. Columbus didn’t discover America by playing it safe and staying in Ohio. Edison didn’t invent the car in a test tube. My biggest decision is whether to go porkpie, Greek fisherman or fedora. Got to see what my gut tells me and trust the old belt holder.”

Until then, a nervous nation will hold its collected baited breath!