It’s time for The Lint Screen to air its dirty laundry and soiled linens by copping to some gaffes we’ve made.

1. The Magna Carta was not a malt liquor as we reported. Apparently, it was some sort of historical thingy.

2. Lions cannot breed with elephants, so our story warning of impending annihilation for the human race may have been a tad overblown.

3. Ditto on dragons breeding with unicorns and invading soon.

4. The New York Yankees did not win the 1958 Preakness.

5. Germany was not involved with the Civil War.

6. Henry Kissenger was never a U.S. president, or, a ballet dancer.

7. Eggs and Egg Beaters are not naturally sworn enemies. They are separate food groups.

8. The sky is not literally falling (but we still suspect it’s drooping rapidly).

9. Ken Burns is not related to George Burns or Sidney Poitier.

10. The quotes of a dude in a bar after a seven-hour bender is not considered “a trusted source,” according to some schools of journalistic thought. Ergo, we may have been a little off center in our report that “The government is trying to confiscate our major and minor appliances, and replace them with exact replicas that will control our thoughts and actions and force us to surrender our stash of firearms.”