Wed 23 Sep 2015
Dominos, the company that made a name for itself in tiled games and pizza, is planning to capitalize on a recent YouTube video of a New York City rat carrying a slice down the subway stairs to catch his train.
“Obviously there’s an untapped market out there,” said Phillip Mainstrom, Sr. V.P. of Strategy And Business Development told The Lint Screen, “and we think there’s an incredible opportunity for business growth.”
After studying the video carefully, the Dominos test kitchens have developed a new recipe designed to serve the rodent population. “Most rats are smaller than humans,” said Chef Luigi Hazzlenut, Director of Pizza Sciences, “so, we’ve scaled the pie down to make it easier for the average rat to enjoy his slice. We’re also offering popular toppings like garbage, rotted meats, and that kind of thing.”
The excitement inside Dominos headquarters was electric. “We’ve even got a rodent pizza emoji so rats can order from their smartphones,” said Barry Voddenpup, V.P. of Marketing Innovation. “We’re thinking this rodent initiative’s a slam dunk.”
When asked if rats had much disposable income, our reporter was told the building was on fire and was forced to leave.