A sampling of arms for smart shoppers.

A sampling of arms for smart shoppers.

Best Buy just announced its big Black Friday Savingspalooza will begin at 5:00 pm on Thanksgiving Day, and to make the event more festive, the retailer will be selling guns and knives in store parking lots.

“We are going to have some incredible deals,” said Justin Sindycox, Director of Pleasant Customer Experiences told The Lint Screen. “We believe the best buys at Best Buys should go to the best shoppers, and that means those with their eyes on the prize. So, we’ll give aggressive shoppers an edge with some quality weaponry. We invite shoppers to get armed, and get ready to save like never before! And may the best shoppers survive.”

Many have criticized the encroachment of retailer sales messages on a cherished family holiday. “Look, it’s not like families need a full turkey dinner,” said Sindycox. “They can grab a turkey sandwich and some Lay’s at 7-Eleven, get in line and gobble up incredible savings at Best Buy. This event will be the start of a new American tradition. And now that people can arm themselves, the free market can truly rule!”