Thu 28 Jan 2016
Old Lucifer is steaming!
The prince of darkness, Satan himself, is angry that Earthlings have not heeded the repeated calls over the years for environmental protections to alleviate climate change on the planet.
“Hell has a vested interest in what’s happening above us,” the Antichrist told The Lint Screen. “Good gravy, we’re down here in the boiler room. If it’s getting hot up there, imagine what it’s like down here! Criminy!”
Beelzebub says the lakes of fire in hell have never been hotter. “Sweet gum drops, we used to joke, ‘hot enough for ya?’ but not anymore. It’s too dagblasted hot for everyone! I get exhausted mopping my brow, for pete’s sake. It’s so toasty, I can’t even wear my ABBA tee shirt. I wear a doggone wife beater.”
Lucifer said the rising temperatures were also taking a toll on his operating costs. “Good gravy, we’ve doubled our pitchfork expenses. We’re lucky if we get three or four good jabs into sinners before the pitchfork tines just melt. It’s put our budgeting in a nasty pickle.”
The grand tempter/son of perdition, says he “prays” humans do the right thing. “If they don’t, well sweet jimmy, I’m going to have to look into getting a couple of box fans down here. Or a lemonade concession. Something’s got to give, for cry-eye!”