Month: March 2016

  • Emory U. Takes Action Against World

    Reacting to a recent incident that has traumatized Emory University students, college officials have announced there will be no more chalk or sidewalks permitted on campus. On March 21, students encountered sidewalks, stairs, and building walls with the words “TRUMP 2016” written in chalk. Many students screamed at the top of their lungs and ran…

  • Airline Flight Has Zero Complaints

        For the first time in recorded history, a commercial airline flight had no bellyaching about a lack of legroom in the cabin. “It’s a miracle,” said Flight Attendant Sheila Wesporde who worked American Airlines flight #491 from Phoenix to Los Angeles.on March 27. “I get tired of hearing people complain about the lack of…

  • Charlie Brown Getting Hair!

    Poor Charlie Brown. He’s lived 68-years as a kid with precious little hair and an obvious growth hormone problem, trapped in an existential hell with a crew of kids who never age and continue to repeat the same mistakes endlessly! But at least one aspect of his life is about to change–– “Chuck” is getting…

  • Exclusive Peyton Manning Interview

    With the announcement of Peyton Manning’s retirement, The Lint Screen sat down with him for the following exclusive interview. TLS: Hello, Peyton. PM: Hi. TLS: It’s kind of a funny name, ‘Peyton.’ PM: I guess so. THERE IS AN AWKWARD TWENTY SECONDS OF SILENCE AS THE REPORTER CONSULTS HIS NOTES. TLS: So, retirement, huh? PM:…