Tue 28 Jun 2016
First, the British people voted to leave the European Union, and now they’re upping the ante higher–– by leaving planet Earth (“Earexit”)!
The Lint Screen has learned that there is a movement underway for the United Kingdom to give the whole damn planet the ol’ high hat.
Financial markets worldwide are shaken by this second seismic decision made by Earth’s fifth most valuable economy.
“It’s troublesome, indeed,” said Sir Reginald Beeswallow Throttlebrush Murttenfallswap Tiddlesbottomsworth II, a noted economist from Yellow-Hang-On-Faucet-Tail-Poodle, Warwickshire Sauce. “I honestly don’t see how it’s possible for our nation to leave planet Earth, but people certainly have their knickers in a snockwong over everything these days.”
“Bloody right,” concurred Reggie Woopentitte, a local unemployed daydreamer. “Ain’t nothing this world ever done for me or my kin, so why should we treat it any better than the paper what wrapped yesterday’s fish ‘n chips? I say, sod off, Earth, we’ll go somewhere better, where there’s good pay and a great dole–– what a man can drink an honest pint or four, have a few whiskies and not have to worry his forehead wrinkled about silly tish tosh.”
When asked how exactly the physical removal of the U.K. would work, and to what planet the country would be relocated, leaders of the Earexit movement showed little concern.
“All the details haven’t been worked out,” said spokesman Reg Undersnitten Burrtrottenbopp Mincemeat Krayenstatte IV. “But we won’t be needing the likes of Earth’s population. They’re a disgusting lot, they are, and who needs ’em?”