You would think an 85-year old man who just got a golden parachute of $40 million would relax and take it easy, but you’d be wrong!

Roger Ailes, who recently resigned as the chief executive at Fox News Channel, may have left the news business, but he still knows how to make news. “I categorically deny all the sexual harassment allegations that have been thrown at me over the years,” Ailes told The Lint Screen. “And to prove it, I am opening my own escort service called ‘Rockin’ Roge!’

Ailes bit the tip off a Cohiba, lit it and blew a thick plume of smoke into this reporter’s face. “Most women find me irresistible. I ooze charm and charisma and I’m rocking a bod that’s like catnip to hungry kittens. I plan to spend the rest of my days giving the ladies what they want–– and I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to pay for it!”

The large man winked, blew his nose and began a coughing jag that lasted three minutes, fourteen seconds. “Hey ladies,” he said when he caught his breath, “like me on Facebook, but love me in life!”