Lochte will lend his authenticity and good name to VW.

Lochte will lend his authenticity and good name to VW.

Following its fiasco of falsifying diesel emissions tests in America and Europe, Volkswagen has found a juicy beefsteak to place on its black eye–– enlisting Ryan Lochte, Olympic medal-winning swimmer as its spokesperson.

“Ryan will bring gold back to our tarnished reputation,” Sandy Berstendt, Sr. Director of Public Relations for Volkswagen told The Lint Screen. “When you have a bit of a goof up, it can cost you. In our case, over $87 billion. But more costly than the money is the potential damage it could do to our good name. Ryan Lochte will help us get that back!”

Lochte, a physically fit athlete known for getting wet, will be featured in a new advertising campaign for Volkswagen depicting the gentleness of the cars are at the pump.

“Ryan has integrity and character,” Berstendt said, “and his likability is just infectious. Like a parasite or something burrowing into your marrow. He has a genuine authenticity. When Ryan Lochte speaks, it’s gospel, and we think when he speaks on behalf of our brand, one plus one will equal six! And we believe that’s a winning formula.”

There is no word on when the new campaign will break, or if the VW products will feature their mileage claims.