Stumpf thinks he knows pain. He don't know nothing about pain!

Stumpf thinks he knows about pain. No, he don’t know nothing about pain!

Wells Fargo’s sleazy, scumbag, top dog bankster John Stumpf will forfeit $41 million in stock bonuses. The action is the result of the greedy bastard’s dictate to cheat customers by creating over two million bogus accounts in their names without their knowledge so Wells Fargo could fleece them with fees.

Aw, poor baby–– 41 million could buy a lot of ba-bas!

But gird your loins, mister big shot, because federal judge Judy Jay also sentenced the top turd to three days confinement in the vault of Wells Fargo’s downtown San Francisco branch, with Sen. Elizabeth Warren as his cellmate.

“I think Mr. Strumpf could use a good talking to,” Judge Judy told The Lint Screen, “and I think Elizabeth is just the person to make him her bitch.”

When he was told his harsh sentence, Strumpf screamed and pounded his bandaged hand against the desk. “No, no, please–– anything but that! That woman’s crazy! Can’t I just do life at Alcatraz? Send me to Gitmo, waterboard me with Drano, anything but Warren!”

Judge Judy smiled and nodded to the attending police officers. “Take him away, boys, I hate to see little babies cry.”