Wed 28 Dec 2016
Talk about overstaying your welcome–– the year 2016 has officially filed with the universe for an extension. The formal request states that 2016 would serve all of 2017’s term, then retire and allow 2018 to serve.
“If this extension is granted,” said a universe representative, “it would be unprecedented. The only other known extension request was made by the year 1347 on the grounds that it was on roll with its deadly bubonic plague, having killed a third of the world’s population and wishing to finish the job. The request was denied and 1348 was granted a year of life. 1347 crawled off into the corner, and rats ate it.”
The world’s population is spitting angry about 2016’s extension request. “This damn year has to go away,” said Charlie McIntreely of Naperville, Illinois. “It’s been awful, one of the worst years ever! I mean, except for the Cubbies, but that’s about it. Rest of the year sucked.”
Aunjanue Cancienne of Biarritz, France agrees. “I hate 2016. I’d rather have the bubonic plague than a longer 2016, I think it’d be less painful and I wouldn’t have to throw up in disgust as much.”
And down under, there’s also an undercurrent of anger. “It’d be bloody awful if 2016 continued past December 31,” Malcolm Brindabella of Perth, Australia told The Lint Screen. “I’m pissed. This year can’t be over soon enough. I’d like to get a pillow and snuff this year in its sleep. Die already, 2016! Die!”
Let’s see what the universe decides. Hold off on buying that 2017 calendar just yet…