Thu 19 Jan 2017
Bat Boy, the sensation discovered by the “Poo-Litzer Prize” winning WEEKLY WORLD NEWS has surfaced again and is making headlines with his tirades against fake news.
“I’ve had it,” an irate Bat Boy told The Lint Screen. “Reporters must uphold the highest degree of journalistic standards, or we are little more than knuckle-dragging apes searching for scraps of informational nourishment. We need a viable and vibrant fifth estate for this sacred duty, and if the integrity of the institution is questionable, well, I fear for humanity.”
Bat Boy suddenly lunged forward and drove his sharp fangs deep into the throat of this reporter, who began bleeding profusely.
“Don’t be such a baby,” Bat Boy said. “Get up, tie a tourniquet around your neck and write your damn story. You’re on deadline, man–– you’ve got a job to do. Now go.”
Here’s your story, people, I hope you’re happy. And let’s keep fake news out of the news.
Now, I think I’ll pass out…