Mon 13 Feb 2017
If your name is Wilson, Hollywood ain’t exactly La La Land singing, dancing and technicolor love-goo!
The handsome volleyball, who co-starred with Tom Hanks in 2000’s blockbuster movie Cast Away, has been on the beach ever since looking for another major motion picture role.
“It’s a damn shame,” Coco Vilsette, Wilson’s agent told The Lint Screen. “Tom Hanks has starred in a billion movies since then, and poor Wilson can’t get arrested in this town. He landed a minor role in a porn film project in Tarzana, and even then, he ended up on the cutting room floor. Apparently, the director didn’t think a charismatic volleyball added to his artistic vision.”
The movie business is notoriously rough on the careers of aspiring actors, but Wilson is in a league all his own.
“Wilson carried Cast Away,” his agent said. “Hanks knew it, Bobbie Zemeckis knew it. Without Wilson’s stellar performance and his ability to memorize lines and sell them with absolute conviction, Hanks would have had no transformative moment. And when Wilson is lost at sea in the film’s climax, well, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. His performance was magic, classic.”
But, after the film did boffo biz, all Wilson’s phone calls were crickets. “Apparently the roles for spherical objects are few and far between. Wilson was up for the lead in The Martian, but he got edged by Matt Damon because Ridley Scott thought he looked better in a space suit. Crap like that happens all the time in this godforsaken town.”
When Tom Hanks was contacted for his comment on his co-star’s dire career plunge, he said, “Wilson? Who’s that?”
Oh, the cruelty of the business that is show!